the sun is shining bright, i made a new summer mix cd and i'm looking forward to a great week. how it will end, who knows, but i am sure it will be good, whether i end up alone or with people.
i'm learning about myself that i am very quick to build my life around friendships which seem to result in unfair expectations. maybe i really don't know how to have a healthy friendship. i've got a couple of them, but outside of that?
so, i'm learning to just go with the flow, to trust God at every turn, to do things that I want to do without needing someone to do them with. that's how its always been for me anyway, so i don't know why its such a big deal to me to have a friend to do things with now.... maybe i am meant to be alone. i don't want to think that way, but i can't deny that it feels that way at times.
i don't always understand why God keeps me wandering alone, but i can't question Him on it any more because I know that He sees a bigger picture. that there is a purpose and plan in my wandering, i just haven't been able to see it yet. So, what good does it do me to question God's will for my life, if this is how He has meant for it to be, then I just need to trust that He wants what's best for me, and that one day this path will make some sense. i will travel this life alone for as long as God wishes. for in it I am never truly alone, Yeshua is at my side and for now that is enough. I'm done with trying to figure out what God is doing... I just want to walk along the path and take His hand and go on the adventure of my lifetime... I think I'm ready for that now.
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