its not my strong point today. i have been getting work done, but everything just seems to quiet, and because of that i am having a hard time concentrating on anything. i feel like a little kid with A.D.D.... but I can't even distract myself with the internet. there is that silence thing looming over my head again.
today just hasn't been a good day at all. i'm trying to be happy and enjoy the sunshine and all the good things. it started off a great day, but whatever is hitting me, is hitting me hard. like knock-down punch hard. maybe next week is too long to wait to get coffee, maybe if i would have just had a chance to finish telling some of my story to wendy i would feel better.
the enemy is having a great time with me today... but nothing seems to be helping to bring me out of it. anyone i could talk to, doesn't seem to have time or want to.
its just feeling like a very crappy lonely day, and its probably going to last thru the weekend. God, I hate feeling like this. why do relationships have to be so complicated, why is it then when i could use a good friend to talk to, suddenly the ones that were there are gone...
why do i feel like everything good that has happened this past week was all just a dream and this is me waking up from it, to find myself more alone than ever. this is how my heart feels. God, please break thru this darkness in my soul that has set itself so deep within my heart today. I feel like i'm drowning and can't see the surface. i will fight, i will not give into the devil, its just hard when you feel like you're facing the fight alone. I just have to keep reminding myself that God is victorious, and with him, this too shall pass. i know that God wants to know that I'm IN this and won't walk away. if things are hard now, it may get worse, and if i run now, then i'm just giving the devil what he wants. i guess i just never thought that after the weekend my friendship would still be a question in my head. actually it wasn't until yesterday. see, this is what happens when silence takes over your thoughts.
so much for trying to tell a friend the good points... ever since i did that there has been a deafening silence that makes me think i would have been better off keeping my thoughts to myself, even though they were meant to encourage.
live and learn i suppose. i just want to go home and sleep away the rest of the day so that i don't have to deal with my mind anymore. the only trouble is that then i get plagued by the same thoughts in my sleep.
i need a break, but i'd rather have a BREAKTHROUGH!!!!!!!!
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