i'm listening to the mix of songs i made that would be perfect to listen to during a thunderstorm and the storm is starting. i can hear the thunder outside and that makes me so happy!!!! i absolutely LOVE thunderstorms!
i'm feeling some freedom in my heart again today. i go back and forth, i know. but have you ever had something/someone pulling your emotions in weird directions that you couldn't explain. that is what happens to me. but only with one person. i wish i knew the cause so that i could stop it from happening, but it still seems to escape me. and as hard as i try to go on with life, its hard because i realized last night that i've wrapped so much around this person, that i almost can't just cut them out. i suppose that is a lesson learned too late.
what really gets me, is that i know there are positives to this person in my life too, i just don't think they feel the same. in fact, right now its as if they can't even be around me. and i suppose that could be where the second wave of crazy emotions came from. i guess the thought of having to endure a few weeks this summer with a person who was a friend and now doesn't seem to want to see you or talk to you is going to be hard. all i can do is pray it won't be as hard as i see it being in my head.
i really hope something gives soon... i just want my friend back. i don't like being without them, but i understand that its not my choice... so i wait and pray and hope that one day things can be better between us again. i think sometimes people don't quite understand how perceptions can win out when you are left not knowing what's really happening...
i think maybe its a good thing they don't know about this blog too... haha. of course, its their own fault, because i can remember a time when they wondered why i didnt journal about them... so this is payback i suppose....
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things are finally starting to come together for the project festival. doing this brings up all the good and bad points of being a promoter. but i have to say that i really miss having a venue. maybe i should pursue that again? i could do it on the side while still working at bay shore.
i suppose there is just something about taking care of bands and hosting shows that will never truly leave my heart. i just wish i understood how that could all still be a part of this life God has me living in MI.
maybe this festival is a way to get something going again. i kinda hope so. its going to be great having that many musicians around at once and feeling connected to people again. i just wish that it could have been some of my friends playing for me. maybe in a year or two down the road.
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