that is how i feel right now. it makes me angry when the devil messes with my head, and makes things hard for me at work. i do not like it. and i was having a great day, until one little conversation seemed to set me up for failure. i don't know why i'm having such a rough couple of days, but i pray it gets better soon.
personally i don't think that we should be going behind each others backs to tell our boss that they are disappointed and don't believe that i'm doing my job right. maybe if i didn't feel threatened that someone is working behind my back to make me look bad i would be ok with it.
sometimes i feel that people are too quick to cut you down rather than to help build you up. and it makes me sad that someone i trusted seems to be out to get me. to point out all of my faults instead of finding things to encourage me with. her disappointment might have been different if i felt she was sharing it out of love instead out of a desire to make me look bad.
none of us really knows what another faces in their day, and if she meant it to help, going behind a persons back is not the way to deal with your feelings.
maybe its the lack of sleep. i had a rough night and my mind would not let me sleep. and when i thought i could finally let that rest, then my stomach didn't feel good. but i still woke up this morning and was thankful for the day that the Lord had given and prayed for His will to be done just like i do each morning.
i was enjoying the grey skies and that my coffee tasted so nice with coconut flavored creamer... and that i was going to get to have lunch with a friend. i suppose there are still many things to be thankful for.
and i will pray about the anger in my heart because i don't like it to be there. it just brings back so many feelings that are hard to deal with. i feel betrayed. i feel like i lost all my trust in someone i used to confide in. this morning i saw a whole different side. i saw a manipulative, i'm out for what's best for me, kind of attitude, and that worries me. i don't like feeling that there is someone watching and waiting for me to do something they don't like so they can go and tell the boss. and i can't help that i feel that way. it will pass as i give this over to God and allow him to take control of my thoughts and feelings.
but i knew if i didn't write them out, i wouldn't be able to concentrate on the work that i need to accomplish today.
thank you Lord, for this day and for friends that i know i can trust and for loving me enough to watch out for me and to get me through the hard times in my day.
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