i could be the fallen son (daughter) that your judgement made turn and run...

so many thoughts in my head that i feel need to be shared... but sometimes its hard to put them into a blog entry when i'm not inspired as i once was. about 6 or 7 years ago, i was thinking about writing a book entitled "you give love a bad name." it wouldn't be a pretty book, as most of what i have to say is very blunt and honest. but it might be a wake up call to some people. i've been a christian for most of my life, and my walk with the Lord has been anything but perfect, but i feel that at least its been honest. i struggle, i question, i wrestle... but in the end me and God are still in a relationship. its the times when i thought that i was doing so well with the Lord, that looking back, may have been my most insincere. they were the times that i was most unloving and judgmental. i expected everyone to be like me, because i was doing everything right. wrong! i was missing out on the very nature of who Jesus was and how he lived his life. i was too caught up in the "christian bubble" to see outside of myself to others. it became more about what i could cut out and not do, than it did about seeing God in all the very elements of my day to day life. where we run into danger, is when we fail to remember where we came from. when we start to think that everyone that calls themselves a "christian" is going to fit into the same mold that we do. everyone's faith is lived out differently, and that's not a bad thing. God designed us to be unique individuals all created in His image. if we never stop to question or wrestle with God over things in our life that we don't understand, then how is He ever to show us who He is in the process of guiding us to the answers we seek.

i have struggled a lot this week. i've have been caught between a stupid power struggle that i have lost. i'm not happy about loosing. and i am not happy when people lie to get their own way. i'm not happy when friends won't stand up for you and fight and i'm just feeling alone and abandoned... i am ready to hop on a plane not caring where it takes me and just go away for a bit.

i could be the fallen son (daughter) that your judgement made turn and run...