we were owls

having your eyes opened is a great and freeing moment in life. at least that's how I feel right now. even if its not the truth you wanted to figure out, its great to not feel like I'm just being played for a fool by a bunch of guys protecting one in particular. why is it so hard for people to just be honest? what do we have to lose? its called respect. id rather be told a cold hard truth than be made a fool of.
thankfully I have a big heart. one that can take the hurts and pains and disappointments of this life and forgive those who cause them. especially the ones who are too cowardly to talk to me and be honest.
freedom. I had the word forever marked on my foot as a reminder of its beauty.
I'm learning as I grow up that love is not conditional. that to truly love means to be free. and eventhough you may not be honest with me (by consealing the truth) your actions no longer hurt me. nor do they make me hate you. I should have let you say goodbye when you tried, but I'm stubborn and wasn't ready to let go then. it needed to be on my terms. I needed to be the one to say goodbye (if only in my own heart) first.
but then you tried to cause drama again by saying I hated you. I never hated you. just needed to get over you so being friends could be a reality and not just a dream.
I will always wish the best for you and I truly hope you have found some happiness. I do find it comical that you have gone to such lengths to keep things hiden from me. at least I can laugh about it!!
kinda nice to know I can write so openly on here and that you will never read my thoughts. not that I would ever care if you did. haha!

today I finished watching season one of game of thrones!! WOW! I LOVE this show! I wish I had HBO so I could begin watching season two... guess ill play the waiting game again and read the books to bide my time. I'm starting a new summer reading list. seems like a good way to spend my evenings :)

I'm also getting back into vegan baking. I made some amazing banana blueberry bread this weekend. and can't wait to keep trying new recipes! healthy can be good!!

the older I get the more I realize how short life truly is. I'm still on a kick of doing what makes me happy. and if that means being alone forever, I'm ok with that. as long as life is full of adventure and joy and family and friends. I'm good with that.

anodyne

you crawl in the fire when you're feeling down
when you feel it hurting
these ghosts have been a chasing you so
if you could violently swim to the opposite shore
I'd be there reaching out so

I'll be your drug if you need it
I'll be the one that will chase you so hard
I'll be your drug if you need it so
I will be there when you need it
I'll be the love that you're chasing so hard
I'll be your drug if you need it

crawling the streets of abandoned towns
graves are swaying
lost in their coonversations

if you could bathe in the sound
then the parties will rise
it's what they're here for

black is the rain when it's washing away
all of our sinners and saints delight
bathe if you want, there is always some more
if you need, if you want

Anodyne
by: LOVEDRUG
________________________________________________________________________________________

this is my favorite song right now.
________________________________________________________________________________________

seeing oh sleeper was great on Saturday!! I was a little nervous in going, but by the end of the night I was happy. I don't remember the last time I laughed that much or that hard and it was sooo needed. I'm thankful for the friendships that have developed with these boys :) and I am thankful that seeing you was just what I needed. when I was so ready to give up on you and write you off for good I was reminded that I made a commitment to you and to myself to stand by you and to support you thru good times and bad. sorry I tried to walk away. I needed to gain a new perspective and I have. and truth is I don't understand why you mean anything to me, but you do and I mean what I say. I was reading back on my january post and it made me smile. I am amazed that you have let me back in, to be honest. so I will do all I can to give you the space you desire, to not overwhelm you, to support you, and to not freak out or be jealous of the other people you give your time and attention to. (even if I wish that sometimes I was included in that list) at least you know I don't hate you. (I truly never did) and I'm glad that I can remember our last time of hanging out in a positive way full of fun and laughter and all the things that make me love all you oh sleeper boys! now to help zac eat healthier and to design the worlds coolest ravens scarf!!

next adventure: lovedrug in april :) I seriously can't wait to hear the songs from wild blood live!!

life continues to be amazing! I feel so blessed :)

wild blood

its amazing how quickly ones thoughts can change. reading back to my last post made me realize how far I've come past those feelings in just a matter of a few weeks. much of that is due to the fact that I've let you go. its hard to wake up and see that all along I was just being used, but I no longer care. life has been amazing since telling you goodbye. and I'm taking time for myself again.
the release of LOVEDRUG's new album WILD BLOOD has come at the perfect time. their music always inspires me. and this album is no exception. in fact its been my anthem song for this new time in my life. I feel like anything is possible. like nothing can hold me down. life is short and we are not guaranteed that tomorrow will come, so I am no longer looking ahead. I'm living for each moment as though I may not get another. and you know what?! its been so great and freeing!!
I love being free!! to go wherever, whenever. to live my dreams. to open myself up to people and just live a life of love and happiness. too long have I let others dictate that for me. no more. this is a new beginning. I haven't felt this alive in a long time.
amazing that one simple decision (to let go) could do all this, or that my favorite band's music could put words to what my heart is feeling.

this wild blood will set us all free...