strange heart

i killed a bird with my car on the way to work today... and 4 more came close to the same fate. i've had many near misses, but this is the first one in a long time that actually couldn't get out of the way. i'm not sure what it is about my car, or the way i drive that seems to attract birds to be daring and fly out in front of me, but they do... the one difference i noticed today though, was my reaction. usually, it doesn't bother me, but today it did. and then it made me think of how we kill animals just for our own eating pleasure and it made me a bit sad... not only that i had killed the bird, but that so many animals die because we don't care.

i've been a vegetarian for around 10 years or so... and i don't have any problems with people who eat meat, its just for me over the course of not eating meat, i've discovered in myself that i would have a hard time eating anything now that was once alive... except for fish. for some reason, i don't think the same about fish. haha.

its been interesting to see how my mind set changes. and i would still say that i'm a veg because its a much healthier way to eat, and not because of animal rights or anything like that.

i do enjoy the challenge of creating healthier desserts and meals. this weekend i will make some more cookies - hopefully trying another new recipe.

i think i will also enjoy a nice weekend baking, reading my harry potter book, doing some shopping and treating myself to the new jake gyllenhaal movie, source code. and of course, watching amazing race with my family on sunday.

im finding that there is a lot on my mind lately... i should journal it out, but i just can't bring myself to write about it, in any form. maybe this weekend.

i suppose, i just need to let go and place it all in God's hands and not worry so much about what i should or shouldn't have done differently. we can't go back and change the past, the trouble i sometimes have is letting go and moving on. there are sooo many things to be thankful for in my life right now. great friends, great family and a great job.

i took a walk around the camp this morning placing brochures in our buildings and its getting me excited for this summer! especially baseball/softball camp!

i'm glad its the weekend. and i can't wait to put up our screen tent and to plant our garden (two things i missed out on last summer)