does it feel like home....

its been a crazy weekend, but so good. The Project Festival has come and gone and what a great time! I suppose it really made me miss booking and promoting shows, and not just the shows, but working with the bands and blessing them and building connections and friendships.
I couldn't have asked for a better line up of bands! They were all amazing and it was great getting to know all of them.

my week is going to be a packed one. there is a possibility of a small road trip for an afternoon... lots of work to be done finishing up a book for the CMA Rally... Gospel... moving out of my cabin... and there is sure to be things I'm over looking.

I've got two more rounds at the candy store and then I hope this will finally be the end of it! I can't take much more. Especially when I need to be getting things done and ready for Gospel and CMA.

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so sometimes i really need to learn to keep my thoughts to myself. in my old age i get bolder and my analytical which is not a good combination. haha. i am very thankful for the people that understand me when i'm like that and over look my craziness. haha. they are few and far between but they know who they are and i'm very thankful for their friendship.

one of those people is coming to michigan this week and i hope i can see them one of the days that they are around. if i work a few extra hours in the next couple of days maybe it will happen! a mini road trip would be great. especially to see a great friend!

i think i actually need to go and write in my real journal though. many thoughts are going thru my mind today! and i know if i don't write them out soon, there will be no sleeping tonight! haha.

Reveries of Flight....

A sound ahead from distant peaks, a song that all my brothers sing.
It's just out of reach, to join them I need, the wings the heavens denied me.

It's like you're deaf to my voice, but I've been here for every moment, waiting on your call to move.
If you could just make a choice,
I know you would find me wanting only to be close to you.

"You keep denying my lead!
Because I've tried, I've never pulled back my reach, and I've stayed and I've died, but you keep looking for me where I'm not.
I won't be just where you want me to be.
You've got to believe and just trust that I can be everything."

It's like you're deaf to my voice
"but I'm not!"
I've been here for every moment
"and I've fought"
waiting on your call to move
"just call to move"
if you could just make a choice
"oh I have"
I know you would find me wanting
"I just want..."
only to be close to you
"all of you."

If you would just try and let (me) pry all your grips on worries,
I would come alive in your life and let you find the flight you're longing.


-thank you Oh, Sleeper for such a great song!

end of summer blues....

that's right. summer has come and gone and barely feels like it was here at all. but with the end of August brings our Project Festival, moving out of my cabin, Gospel Music Fest, and getting ready for the CMA Rally.

work keeps me busy as always. its always so weird to see where i was at this point in time last year. the people that were or weren't in my life and how far God has brought me. its really pretty amazing to sit back and look at the events that have unfolded over the past year of my life.

i'm still at Bay Shore. still with my family. and happy.

i'm learning not to question, but just to trust. and to focus on serving God where he has me instead of wondering whats next.

i'm excited about the fall. its my favorite time of year, with the colors and smells and weather....

i've already begun my constant rotation of LOVEDRUG on itunes. not that they don't frequent my itunes on a regular basis as it is, but there is just something about their first cd especially that fits with the moods of Autumn.

one thing that God has taught me this summer is that i'm not alone any more. God has answered my prayers in ways that i may not have understood but am beginning to see in an amazing new way.

i may not have a lot of friends, like i used to, but the ones that have stuck by me and recently entered my life are ones that i feel so blessed to have. its rare that people have one really good friend, and here i find myself with 3 or 4. and at one point it was hard to see this as a good thing, but i truly am blessed.

my mind has struggled a lot lately with whether or not to grow this circle of friends. i've come to the conclusion though that over the past few years i've wanted to know if certain things were God's will, and funny enough, on this one i feel like he wants me to make the decision. either way its a step of faith because i'm not to know the outcome.

i suppose that is a part of our free will. and that in many cases God does not choose for us to know the future, but to remain faithful to Him and trust that He will guide our steps and that when we stop to look back, we will see an amazing road of God moments in our lives. sure there are certain things we can plan for our future, but its still up to God to fill in the details.

all is lost for us if heaven fails....

i love it when God answers your prayers in ways unexpected. especially when some of them have been prayers of the deepest part of your soul for months.

now these answers came out of pain and brokenness and at a point of giving up. things i should have learned by now, but i'm stubborn, so it often takes me longer to learn/see what God is trying to show me, because in order to see Him, first I must empty myself of me...

its amazing to me to see that no matter how stubborn i am though that God never gives up and at just the right moment shows what you need to know to keep you going in the direction of His will.

i'm thankful that God has made me a spontaneous, fly by the seat of your pants kind of girl. it works for most things. like i generally don't have a problem going where God wants me to my struggles come in trusting God with my relationships with friends.

i always want to see a purpose in all that i do, and sometimes you don't always get that with the people that God brings into your life, at least not right off the bat. sometimes it takes a while to actually see the purpose.

everything starts where it ends:
fitting that this is one of my favorite lovedrug songs, but its true that when we get to the point of full surrender we can finally start to live.

i've learned thru disappointment that its not so much about where you are going, or what ministry you are working with but how you portray Yeshua to the world around you. strive to love and put others ahead of yourself and i believe you will find yourself in the midst of where God wants you to be.

i've always been a dreamer and one that will jump into something if i feel even the slightest pull that this is what God wants. why? because i trust that He will use me where i'm at and that He will take care of me. i think life is too short to be too concerned with where to go, so i look at everything as an adventure. probably why i love pirates so much. and the thought of calling the road home. i've always had a hard time thinking that i should settle down in one spot because i like the freedom to be able to go.

God has restored balance to my life recently and with that balance has come joy. i often times speak of a disturbance in the force or the universe being out of whack when certain things happen. but there is nothing like the feeling that the world has been righted and life is spinning in the right direction again.

time for a new post....

yes, it seems like its been awhile since i've even logged into this blog, but as i sit at my desk, my home away from home, it seems... i'm reminded of how work never really gives me a break, just a change in duties. i had kind of liked not spending so much time on the computer this summer, getting to let some of my other talents take shape in doing sound and helping with some of our summer camps. its so awesome to see all the hard work and creativity our deans and staff put into their camps and how each one in their own unique ways reach out to the kids who attend them.

i was very blessed to have been able to be a closer part of a few of them this year. our ministry is about the people and yes, you have to still take care of the daily ins and outs of running a camp, but its always such a blessing when you can see God at work in the lives of others.

its been a crazy busy summer, but i have survived and look forward to now putting my creative mind to work at creating many brochures and promotional materials. its going to be a busy fall season, but hopefully in the midst of all of that i can find some time to relax and maybe even use up my 2 weeks of vacation. haha.

the skies are clouding up and it looks like we are in for some rain. i like rainy days.

so life has not taken me where i thought i'd be, but there are still some great joys that have managed to emerge from the darkness. it has been a great summer, and while i'm not sure where the future will take me, i am confident in this, that God will always keep me where he wants me, and will guide each step of the way.

i am blessed.

i am loved.

and sometimes God works things in our lives better than we ever could have imagined them...