clouds

i like that its cloudy today. its friday and it would be nice if it were a gorgeous sunny day, but that really wouldn't fit my mood, so i'm glad that its grey and cloudy. sometimes you just need grey days. those days where its ok not to smile. where disappointment isn't so bad because you were prepared for it.

i'm finding that its much easier in life to just leave things in God's hands and not build any expectations of my own, because that is when i am crushed by disappointments. its hard to get mad and disappointed about something if you are letting God decide the outcome. in that instance all you can do is trust that things worked out as they were meant to... and maybe that is why today i'm ok and simply enjoying a grey day.

my heart remains hopeful that God always knows whats best. journaling has been soo good for my soul again. and not blogging, but journaling or writing emails i never mean to send. haha. either way, i'm finding that lately i've been too quick to speak and not pray. and i'm finding that the enemy likes to plant lies in your head about what's really happening. that is why i'm leaving things to God. i can't control people or the decisions they make, and its not worth being disappointed by people just because they aren't living up to my standards... so, as i learn to be a grown up, i am convinced that God is good, that He wants what's best for me and that life is more of a joy to live when i'm free from all the disappointment.

there is a sunny spot in my day... i'm going to leave work early and go to the store and buy the new Boondock Saints movie. it makes me happy that the brothers are back together. maybe i'll even see a movie or go shopping... i've got some extra time on my hands to kill now that my afternoon plans have opened up, so i guess i'll see where the wind takes me... maybe i'll still go and get some coffee, only instead of conversation, i'll read a book... hmmm.