Sunshine!!!!

and no, not the movie, although, i wouldn't mind watching that again soon. haha. i was in a great mood until staff... i guess i let myself get worked up too easily, even when people are just kidding around trying to make me worked up. i guess i just wasn't in the mood for the joking today, or maybe it was more about the subject being joked about either way, i was very glad to come back to my desk and feel the warmish breeze coming thru my window. yesterday the sun was deceiving, today it means what it promises.

i've been re-reading new moon and eclipse. i don't know what it is about those two books of the series, but i can read thru them faster than any other book that i pick up. its kinda stupid really, to loose sleep over a book, but i have been. now that i'm almost done with them i'm catching back up, but for a while there i was staying up a bit too late.

one of the things i'm most excited about now that warm weather seems to be settling in for a stay is the fact that i don't have to wear shoes!! i agree that shoes do serve a purpose, but my feet enjoy being free from their restrictions.

i'd really like to know what's up with american idol this season. i mean really, i don't think i would want any of them to win purely based on talent alone. its almost not worth watching and that makes me sad. but since LOST is on Tuesdays, i'm not too concerned. man, try wrapping your head around that show as it nears the end! but i LOVE it!

ok, my good mood is coming back to me now! its gearing up to be a great weekend, if i can stay focused on that and the beautiful sunshine and weather that God is blessing us with, then i'm sure that mood will last.

only one more day of work until my long weekend that will hopefully include, dying easter eggs, seeing lovedrug, meeting with the coolest committee ever (haha), sunrise service and breakfast at church and whatever other adventures come my way!

i guess i should get back to the stack of thank you's that are calling my name on my desk and then maybe clean up my desk a bit...

don't cross the road if you can't get out of the kitchen...

another new episode of LOST is on tonight! very excited about that. island secrets finally starting to become known. it is a bit sad that the series is coming to an end, but i own all the seasons on dvd, so i'll never have to be without the show! i can still remember watching all of season one with debbie. good times. good times.

the sun is shining so bright today, but the wind is still cold... very soon though, that too shall pass and i can finally pull out my new spring clothes!

i was so happy to receive a call from toast today and we are going to see lovedrug on friday! wow. i haven't been this excited about a show in a long time. it will be great to spend time with a friend and go on a little adventure.

so i really want to find a reason to set up our new speakers and truly test their abilities. maybe when i have the committee together on saturday we can pull them out and set them up! that would be great.

definitely another good day. who knew that all i needed was a little new moon and eclipse to set my mind at ease. haha. ok, and definitely God's peace thrown in there too! maybe spring does hold the promise of some good times. i just had to be ready to look for the blessings that God had waiting for me to find.

fire and ice

so they say it will be in the 70's by the end of the week and i can't wait!! its time for the cold weather to give way to spring!

lately i've been listening to the band FAIR. we are looking at bringing them in for our music festival in August... Any chance to work with Aaron Sprinkle is well worth the effort.

it seems my heart is healing itself from the loneliness. probably has a bit to do with the weather changing, and me realizing that i just have to trust that God knows whats best. for the first time since last summer, i feel a bit of freedom again. not all people that come into our lives bring what we wish them to. and sometimes you just know when its over, but there is no pain or disappointment in it anymore. its nice to not be affected by that anymore.

God may take things away, but he only prunes that which is unhealthy for us in the first place. we don't always like it, and yes, sometimes we fight it thinking we know what's best, but when we finally give in and let God be in control he leads us to the freedoms our hearts have been searching for.

life around here doesn't always make sense to me, but i'm beginning to accept that.

------------------------

i have one week to successfully find a way to have a pirate themed easter egg hunt for my niece. i guess my influences have been wearing off on her. last week she told me she wanted a pirate easter, and continues to remind me of that.... i suppose her aunt better get to work on figuring out how to make that one happen!

for the moment i'm happy.

and shepherds we shall be
for Thee, my Lord, for Thee

saints and moons...

so i can't seem to stop listening to the boondock saints soundtrack... but i suppose that is ok. its a nice mix to work by.

i finally watched new moon last night. i have to say that i'm glad i didn't see it in the theater. i was highly disappointed. i for one am a fan of jacob black. and i was super excited because this was to be his story... the movie however, left out way too much. i am so glad that i read the book and could fill in all the gaps, and i suppose if you haven't read the books, you would be more interested in bella and edwards relationship anyway, so it wouldn't really matter.

all this to say, i know how the story ends, so i can understand the not playing up of the relationship between bella and jacob, but i think that they are leaving out a key element of the story to not show the real conflict in bella's heart leading up to eclipse. yeah, the movie hit on all the big moments, but what about the little ones, those are the moments from the book that made me cheer for jacob. although i always thought that he deserved better than bella. but maybe i cheer for the guys that come in second best because i have been in that situation before. the best friend that never has a chance... yeah, so i suppose i'm a little sympathetic to jacobs character, which is why even thought i thought new moon was a good movie, i was highly disappointed.

enough about that. thank goodness all saints day didn't disappoint. :) although, i did have to watch it more than once to fully appreciate all of its goodness! and found that it is best to watch it after seeing the first one again.... it did help make for a great week of celebrating st. patty's day. watching both boondock movies, searching high and low for the soundtrack, making rainbow cupcakes, wearing an outfit to work that everyone else thought was silly.... it turned out to be a great day and week of fun!

i'm glad that i can celebrate st. patty's day again. for a few years, i didn't like to think about it, or what it reminded me of. this year, however, was different and i'm glad.

its weird because as people come and go from my life, i'm reminded that there is a purpose in each friendship no matter how long or short lived. its just hard when you expect them to last longer than they do... last year at this time i was spending most of my extra time in saginaw... i kinda miss those days, and yet, i can see how we have all kinda gone our separate ways, or gotten busy with other things. its hard though, when friendships just move on and you don't really understand why. sure time and busyness can threaten even the best attempts, but you are still left to wonder if you really meant much to the person when they don't make time for you... and i am guilty as well for not always trying to keep things going, so i don't blame anyone when it happens, it just seems that as i'm heading into spring and summer that i'm back to being alone... sometimes i guess i just wish that my friendships around here could last longer than a few months/year... but maybe they aren't meant to. maybe i really am meant to be alone as i follow the will God has for me. (and by alone i don't mean not to be in a relationship - i mean not to connect with people on a friendship level) i do have a couple of friends from my days before i moved home that have survived and continue to grow and i am ever thankful for them... i don't know what i'd do without them. sometimes i just wonder why God only answers my prayers for short times here in michigan. i pray and ask for friends and people to connect to that share similar interests, and i get them, only to slowly watch them fade away after months pass. and every time i think things will be different, they turn out the same. i guess its just a part of growing up and getting older. the hard part is that the more this happens, the more i want to just give up and not put any time into friendships at all, which isn't good either.

so... i choose to get up every morning and pray for God's will to be done, to work hard at the ministry He has called me to and to remain hopeful.

clouds

i like that its cloudy today. its friday and it would be nice if it were a gorgeous sunny day, but that really wouldn't fit my mood, so i'm glad that its grey and cloudy. sometimes you just need grey days. those days where its ok not to smile. where disappointment isn't so bad because you were prepared for it.

i'm finding that its much easier in life to just leave things in God's hands and not build any expectations of my own, because that is when i am crushed by disappointments. its hard to get mad and disappointed about something if you are letting God decide the outcome. in that instance all you can do is trust that things worked out as they were meant to... and maybe that is why today i'm ok and simply enjoying a grey day.

my heart remains hopeful that God always knows whats best. journaling has been soo good for my soul again. and not blogging, but journaling or writing emails i never mean to send. haha. either way, i'm finding that lately i've been too quick to speak and not pray. and i'm finding that the enemy likes to plant lies in your head about what's really happening. that is why i'm leaving things to God. i can't control people or the decisions they make, and its not worth being disappointed by people just because they aren't living up to my standards... so, as i learn to be a grown up, i am convinced that God is good, that He wants what's best for me and that life is more of a joy to live when i'm free from all the disappointment.

there is a sunny spot in my day... i'm going to leave work early and go to the store and buy the new Boondock Saints movie. it makes me happy that the brothers are back together. maybe i'll even see a movie or go shopping... i've got some extra time on my hands to kill now that my afternoon plans have opened up, so i guess i'll see where the wind takes me... maybe i'll still go and get some coffee, only instead of conversation, i'll read a book... hmmm.

spring is in the air....

i watched the movie "Moon" the other day, and I have to say that even though it is a very quiet movie (not much to the soundtrack) and a lonely movie, it was one of the better ones i've seen in a while...
i also rushed out to see the new Alice in Wonderland. I liked the movie for many reasons... one of the main reasons being that alice is placed in a world where she can't remember ever visiting wonderland, she thinks it was all just a dream... and when she returns it takes her a while to believe that she is the "real" alice. sometimes that's how i feel. that it takes me a while to really believe who i am, and that i'm in the right place. to live up to the destiny that God has called me to. we all think it would be easier if we just knew what is to come, like alice, they kept telling her that she was meant to slay the jabberwocky, but it took her a while to believe that she was capable of that future. if we were to know where our path of life is to take us, would we still believe that we could accomplish those big tasks? or is that maybe why God only lets us see a small bit of our path at a time.
i also liked that this wonderland is a bit dark. to me, it was still beautiful. and i will always appreciate the mind of tim burton and what he creates.

i've also been very into the last season of LOST. There are so many themes of good vs evil, and predestination and again, living up to who you are meant to be and having the faith to believe it...
i find it very interesting that the man of faith, locke, is now portraying the smoke monster, and that jack is now starting to believe that he was brought to the island for a purpose... last nights episode left me wishing that the other 9 episodes would continue and the wait of a week in between would disappear.

lovedrug has 3 new songs out that i can't stop listening to... usually lovedrug is the music i would choose to listen to in the fall, but these new songs are justly fitting to spring.

its hard at times to be happy about spring, because spring signifies new life and at times it feels like more is being cut off and dying than coming back to life. this winter has been a rough one. i'd like to say that i have life figured out, but all i can say is that i know i'm still where God wants me. there are many things i wish i could change, but i'm just learning to trust God in the midst of it all. maybe someday i will see the desires of my heart be met. i have to at least hold on to that hope of someday. michigan can be a lonely place, but i press on because God has a bigger plan and i choose to believe that.

the sun has been shining for 3 days straight and i am loving it! they say rain is to move in, and you know, i don't even mind the rain. i especially look forward to spring/summer thunderstorms.

its funny too, because when i was a kid i can remember hiding in the laundry room because i didn't like storms and now i can't get enough of them. i miss being able to sit on my front porch in chicago during storms and yes, i even miss playing in the rain and jumping in puddles with a friend when life seems a bit dark...

i need a break... but i'd rather have a breakthrough.

i am sitting at my desk, it hurts my head to look at this computer screen, and even more to think about the words that i'm going to put down on this blog. yes, this morning i woke up with a migraine, it was starting to get better until i got to work. now its all i can think about, but i'm supposed to go to a promotion outing this evening, which means that i will work a 12+ hour day, no matter how i'm feeling. so i'm trying to make the best of it.

i can't wait until some of the stress of life is lifted.