yep, been listening to way too much alevela lately. i've found that their music sparks creativity when i'm creating brochures for work though. weird, i know. haha.
so my last post was from a very dark place in my feelings. since then i've had a great weekend and wanted to write something on a more positive note.
sometimes we have to look beyond ourselves to see that the darkness we find ourselves in is only temporary and that we have the choice to dwell in it or to move into the light. i suppose that's a part of learning to trust God again. Its often when we are walking in darkness that He is the closest to us, only we can't sense him around us. I take comfort in that thought, that even if i can't see where i'm going, He is leading my steps and eventually there will be light to my path again and i will be able to step into the full warmth of the sun and see where i have wandered while in the dark.
with so many uncertainties surrounding, i can still find hope that God is and has always been in control and even if i can't see how things are going to end, or where He is leading me, I know that for this time and this moment, I am where i need to be, i am surrounded by a loving family that supports me, i am working for a camp that i love, and i have some of the best friends ever.
the loneliness i suppose is just stronger felt right now because i am being lead along a solitary path. maybe that's the way God wants it right now, and so i am trying hard to be thankful even in the midst of feeling alone...
would i change the past if i still had time? probably not. my past is my past. its made me who i am today. the only thing i would change is valuing the people that have come and gone in my life more and thinking of myself less.
Monday, November 9, 2009
Saturday, November 7, 2009
life after 30...
so many things in life are uncertain, i'm finding that more and more as the days pass lately. work, friends, etc... it seemed as if everything was going great. i felt at home living with my family, i was loving my job, and realizing just how blessed i am with friends and family. and now, all of that seems so unsure. at least in my head. maybe its all really just and illusion of the truth around me, maybe nothing has changed but my perception. in any case, i'm starting to wonder if i haven't outlived my welcome here. it seems that this is the pattern of my life, to run when i feel things getting harder, but is that what God wants? this is the dilemma in my heart. to want to belong here and find a place in ministry vs. picking up and starting over.
it all comes back to our dreams and how to best fulfill them. of that i'm not certain anymore.
i really feel that i need this road trip with my cousin in december. i need to feel what its like to live free again, to have an adventure that could take you anywhere. when i was younger i used to live life for the moment, and yes, i've grown up, but i feel that there is something missing because i've stopped caring about the adventure in life.
i have been noticing that even in the midst of having friends here, i am always alone. i'm growing tired of that feeling. all i want in this world is to connect somewhere, and my life has been going in circles taking me places and i have yet to connect to a place where i feel like i could stay. i thought home was going to be that place. i wanted it to be that place, but the fact of the matter is, in the 3 years i've been home, i am still alone. maybe thats me, its like i have this bubble around me that only attracts people i have no future with. friends that have no real place for me in their lives. it would seem that i'm depressed, but i'm not. i'm just wondering when i'm ever going to find a place to fit in. when i'm ever going to have friends that live in the same place that i do... that actually want me to be a part of their lives for longer than a few months. my solid friends are the ones that are scattered throughout the world. and i guess i'm missing them.
i feel like i'm back in florida, doing everything by myself and wondering whats next. only when i was in florida i had home to run to, now i'm not sure if home even wants me there. and with the possibilitity of being laid off from work, all i can think about is if i'm going to be forced into a life change that i wasnt prepared for. i don't want life to change right now. i'm happy and enjoying myself. i'm just lonely. i've been lonely for years and nothing ever changes, people come and go that i connect to, but there is always something that keeps us from going deeper.
and now as i sit in a coffee shop, i'm being hit on by the one guy that i'm not interest in. and the one guy that i was hoping would come and talk to me, is not the guy to sit across from me on the couch, but he is still here, and maybe ther is still a chance. haha... and i just realized that the guy i want to talk to me reminds me of jake. ha! thats funny.
i suppose living my life the way i have has led to being alone, but i'd like to think that God would even have a plan to see that change soon.
so on a brighter note, i've seen 3 movies in the past 24 hours. my favorite, ironically, was, "wristcutters: a love story". this movie was depressingly beautiful. not quite what i was expecting, but i really liked it. and the fact that it opened with one of my favorite tom waits songs, dead and lovely, was brilliant. i'm glad i didn't wait for someone else to watch it with me. but i'm very glad that j.rose told me about it.
the next movie that i really liked was "the box" it was done by richard kelly and i did find a lot of donnie darko elements to the movie, which i liked, and overall, had a similar feeling at the end of the movie. i love that richard kelly's movies don't have happy endings. well, they do but not in the normal sense of happy.
then i saw the men who stare at goats, and it was good, but i could have gone without seeing it.
those are my thoughts for now.
it all comes back to our dreams and how to best fulfill them. of that i'm not certain anymore.
i really feel that i need this road trip with my cousin in december. i need to feel what its like to live free again, to have an adventure that could take you anywhere. when i was younger i used to live life for the moment, and yes, i've grown up, but i feel that there is something missing because i've stopped caring about the adventure in life.
i have been noticing that even in the midst of having friends here, i am always alone. i'm growing tired of that feeling. all i want in this world is to connect somewhere, and my life has been going in circles taking me places and i have yet to connect to a place where i feel like i could stay. i thought home was going to be that place. i wanted it to be that place, but the fact of the matter is, in the 3 years i've been home, i am still alone. maybe thats me, its like i have this bubble around me that only attracts people i have no future with. friends that have no real place for me in their lives. it would seem that i'm depressed, but i'm not. i'm just wondering when i'm ever going to find a place to fit in. when i'm ever going to have friends that live in the same place that i do... that actually want me to be a part of their lives for longer than a few months. my solid friends are the ones that are scattered throughout the world. and i guess i'm missing them.
i feel like i'm back in florida, doing everything by myself and wondering whats next. only when i was in florida i had home to run to, now i'm not sure if home even wants me there. and with the possibilitity of being laid off from work, all i can think about is if i'm going to be forced into a life change that i wasnt prepared for. i don't want life to change right now. i'm happy and enjoying myself. i'm just lonely. i've been lonely for years and nothing ever changes, people come and go that i connect to, but there is always something that keeps us from going deeper.
and now as i sit in a coffee shop, i'm being hit on by the one guy that i'm not interest in. and the one guy that i was hoping would come and talk to me, is not the guy to sit across from me on the couch, but he is still here, and maybe ther is still a chance. haha... and i just realized that the guy i want to talk to me reminds me of jake. ha! thats funny.
i suppose living my life the way i have has led to being alone, but i'd like to think that God would even have a plan to see that change soon.
so on a brighter note, i've seen 3 movies in the past 24 hours. my favorite, ironically, was, "wristcutters: a love story". this movie was depressingly beautiful. not quite what i was expecting, but i really liked it. and the fact that it opened with one of my favorite tom waits songs, dead and lovely, was brilliant. i'm glad i didn't wait for someone else to watch it with me. but i'm very glad that j.rose told me about it.
the next movie that i really liked was "the box" it was done by richard kelly and i did find a lot of donnie darko elements to the movie, which i liked, and overall, had a similar feeling at the end of the movie. i love that richard kelly's movies don't have happy endings. well, they do but not in the normal sense of happy.
then i saw the men who stare at goats, and it was good, but i could have gone without seeing it.
those are my thoughts for now.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
machinery don't fail me....
its been a long month of preparing for an auction that is going to happen in two days... for once i'm not feeling overwhelmed because of it, just tired. i've put in some long days so that i can go and see the wedding on friday and have a short break before the actual event. i'm so happy to see cody and trevor again. its weird when you live on the road with people for a month or so and then years separate you from each other. i can't wait to have a small reunion of sorts. :)
my mind has been working over time, and sometimes i wish there was a better way to quiet it. i always hold so much hope and promise in my heart for a great fall season, because it is my favorite time of year, but so often its not as happy as i would like it.
my fall music obsession is Secret and Whisper. and all i really want is a break. i would love to escape for a week or so and just sit on a beach, soak in the sun and forget the world around me. of all the negatives about my time in florida, the beach was always my place for thinking and journaling. i miss that.
sometimes i wish i could learn the lessons that the Lord would have me learn so that i can move on from my past. i guess thats what i get for having so many layers. when you start to peel away one and find healing there is always another more deeply hidden. I pray to get to the end of these layers soon.
why do i let certain things hold so much control over me. why do i put unrealistic expectations on those who can never live up to them. hmmm, i guess i'm at an interesting point in my life and i don't know what to do about it besides trust that God has a plan that i cannot see right now.
i need an adventure. anything. and i'm so thankful for a friend coming to visit and for what will hopefully be like a family reunion of sorts on december 4th! my heart is so looking forward to that trip.
my heart is a messy place right now and i don't like it, but the Lord is helping me to fix it. :)
and i have to go on record saying that i have one of the best cousins in the world! thats right, be jealous! haha. if my moving back to michigan has blessed me in any way its getting to build a relationship with two of my cousins...
ok, its getting late and i should head home from work so i can be rested and ready to face the day tomorrow, its going to be another long day. but God is good and i will make it thru this week, and the next and the next and i will eventually be able to look back on this and laugh at how stressed i let myself get over nothing.
my mind has been working over time, and sometimes i wish there was a better way to quiet it. i always hold so much hope and promise in my heart for a great fall season, because it is my favorite time of year, but so often its not as happy as i would like it.
my fall music obsession is Secret and Whisper. and all i really want is a break. i would love to escape for a week or so and just sit on a beach, soak in the sun and forget the world around me. of all the negatives about my time in florida, the beach was always my place for thinking and journaling. i miss that.
sometimes i wish i could learn the lessons that the Lord would have me learn so that i can move on from my past. i guess thats what i get for having so many layers. when you start to peel away one and find healing there is always another more deeply hidden. I pray to get to the end of these layers soon.
why do i let certain things hold so much control over me. why do i put unrealistic expectations on those who can never live up to them. hmmm, i guess i'm at an interesting point in my life and i don't know what to do about it besides trust that God has a plan that i cannot see right now.
i need an adventure. anything. and i'm so thankful for a friend coming to visit and for what will hopefully be like a family reunion of sorts on december 4th! my heart is so looking forward to that trip.
my heart is a messy place right now and i don't like it, but the Lord is helping me to fix it. :)
and i have to go on record saying that i have one of the best cousins in the world! thats right, be jealous! haha. if my moving back to michigan has blessed me in any way its getting to build a relationship with two of my cousins...
ok, its getting late and i should head home from work so i can be rested and ready to face the day tomorrow, its going to be another long day. but God is good and i will make it thru this week, and the next and the next and i will eventually be able to look back on this and laugh at how stressed i let myself get over nothing.
Monday, August 24, 2009
oh sleeper and other inspirations to me as of late....
ever since the first time i heard oh, sleeper i was hooked. mainly, because there music is a cry to war. i've always held a warrior spirit deep within my heart and their music lets me know that i'm not alone, many of us carry that spirit, especially if we are living lives for the Lord.
it seems that GOD is speaking to his church that it is time to wake up. that its time to face the war that is going on all around us, just out of sight to the human eye.
the LOVE needs to be there, and this love is not just from words, its from action. We can say we love all we want but if our actions do not follow thru, then how are we ever to show people who yeshua really is??
so I am posting this BLOG today to remind anyone that may read this that they should support OH SLEEPER.
www.myspace.com/ohsleeper
Their new Cd comes out tomorrow and its one of the best cd's lyrically and musically that i've heard in a long time. its a great concept album that shines of God's victory over the enemy.
"its like your deaf to my voice, but i've been here for every moment, waiting on your call to move. if you would just make a choice, i know you would find me wanting, only to be close to you" - Micah Kinard, Oh Sleeper (from reveries of flight)
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Pictures.... (from life around camp)
a beautiful sight on my drive home from work one night.
this picture makes me think of harry potter.
i love this picture! a sunset thru storm clouds over the saginaw bay.
rainbow over the camp.
look out at camp.
our garden :)
kids signing shirts at soccer camp.
the dock where we launch our canoes in the bay.
another lookout at camp.
this is our campfire area.
an old canoe rack.
cottonwood trees make it look like winter.
more cottonwood.
more pics of the bay.
some flowers I spotted by one of the cottages at camp.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
beginning of summer...
i need a little added incentive when it comes to reading books, so i have decided to make a list for the summer. and thanks to j-rose, i have a good start. debbie is keeping track of my books and giving me stickers for the books i complete. haha. just like a little kid with a summer reading list for school! ;)
first on my list are the harry potter books. so i have begun the sorcerer's stone. i am actually excited to have a list to read thru. i'm hoping to change my reading habits this summer and learn to appreciate books again.
the first week of camp has started and it is going well. i've switched up my hours a bit, and am enjoying not having to get up quite so early. its amazing what an extra hour in the morning will do to brighten your spirits.
its not always fun to have to stay so late. but the sun is still up when i get home so it doesn't seem like too late. plus i can't wait to try out the tent with the lights actually lit up. maybe tonight.
so i broke my old camera, and now have a new one. i'm still getting used to all the new settings and stuff that it can do that the old one couldn't... i think i need a trip or something to really try it out. i took some basketball pictures today, hopefully i can get out and take a few more this afternoon.
first on my list are the harry potter books. so i have begun the sorcerer's stone. i am actually excited to have a list to read thru. i'm hoping to change my reading habits this summer and learn to appreciate books again.
the first week of camp has started and it is going well. i've switched up my hours a bit, and am enjoying not having to get up quite so early. its amazing what an extra hour in the morning will do to brighten your spirits.
its not always fun to have to stay so late. but the sun is still up when i get home so it doesn't seem like too late. plus i can't wait to try out the tent with the lights actually lit up. maybe tonight.
so i broke my old camera, and now have a new one. i'm still getting used to all the new settings and stuff that it can do that the old one couldn't... i think i need a trip or something to really try it out. i took some basketball pictures today, hopefully i can get out and take a few more this afternoon.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
books
i had seriously forgotten how awesome it was to get caught up in a good book. and i don't think i've ever read thru 2 thick books in less than a week. but such is the case with my current choice of entertainment.
i finally gave in and watched the movie Twilight. Debbie warned me just to read the books, but i didn't listen, and tried the movie first. that was mistake number one. but i'm actually glad that i watched the movie before reading the first book. when i went back and watched it again after finishing book 1 i didn't think as much of the movie. it left out way too much of the good stuff and changed things around in ways that i didn't like, but understood.
it must be a hard task at times to adapt a book to a movie. i am more hopeful for New Moon. i just finished that book yesterday. at first i was very mad that edward left and broke bella's heart the way he did... but then i started to like the new friendship bella was creating with jacob, so much so that wanting to know how things turn out for them is more important to me than her and edward. i can guess that ending, its jacob i'm concerned about. haha. and i always thought i would be cheering for the vampire. i guess sometimes i surprise myself!
reading has let me enjoy a few more simple things in life and has taken my mind off of others. the other day i layed out in my front yard on a blanket and read a book all afternoon. it made me feel like a kid again. i suppose i can still pass for one by looks, but this took me back to a time when i didn't have to think about the world around me... i could enjoy the heat of the sun and the cool of the breeze and escape into a dream world. only this time it wasn't my own dream world. so often i like sleeping because of my dreams, but books give you that same thrill without having to be a sleep. i had forgotten that. i guess maybe because the books are read aren't usually for fun. they are more for learning. i am going to read more fiction!
as summer approaches, i really hope that i have more time to enjoy simple things like that. i am a nature kind of girl. i love being outside, but too often i let the indoors distract me. im going to try and not let that stop me this summer! :)
i'm itching to travel again. but i think really all i need is to take a trip to one of the great lakes and spend sometime on a "beach" i use the term lightly because our beaches in michigan are nothing like being on a real beach at the ocean. i miss that. i'm feeling reflective again. like i just need a weekend alone with me and my thoughts and of course whatever book i happen to be reading. i'm already a few chapters into Eclipse, work is making it a bit harder to read thru that one as fast. haha. but then there is only one left. i bet once i get all the way thru i will read them again.
and i'm thinking that i need to listen to debbie's advice more often when it comes to reading books! i suppose harry potter will be next. i love the movies and i suppose that once i give the books a read i will appreciate them more.
i suppose i've been keeping to myself lately. my aunt died last friday and her funeral was yesterday. this is the first of my dad's sisters/brothers to die. its hard when they start hitting so close to home. sometimes i wish the distance wasn't so great between me and that side of the family.
oh and just let me say that s. darko, the sequel to donnie darko, made me mad. i liked what they were trying to do with the visuals, but.... the story to me just seemed like whoever was writing it didn't understand the original movie or what "frank" truly represented. it was definitely lacking. and i suppose i knew that i would be disappointed with it, nothing can compare to donnie darko in my mind. it is one of my favorite movies of all time... but i do own the follow up to it now. i may never watch it again, but it will always be in my collection, just because.
its funny because my mind feels like its heading toward the fall, not spring... maybe its because i'm reading books about vampires and werewolfs! haha.
maybe im just missing my friends who are long distances from me... and maybe i'm just needing a new adventure, whatever that may be!
hmmm... i guess thats where i will end my thoughts for now. i have work to finish so i can get home, eat dinner and return to my book. :)
i finally gave in and watched the movie Twilight. Debbie warned me just to read the books, but i didn't listen, and tried the movie first. that was mistake number one. but i'm actually glad that i watched the movie before reading the first book. when i went back and watched it again after finishing book 1 i didn't think as much of the movie. it left out way too much of the good stuff and changed things around in ways that i didn't like, but understood.
it must be a hard task at times to adapt a book to a movie. i am more hopeful for New Moon. i just finished that book yesterday. at first i was very mad that edward left and broke bella's heart the way he did... but then i started to like the new friendship bella was creating with jacob, so much so that wanting to know how things turn out for them is more important to me than her and edward. i can guess that ending, its jacob i'm concerned about. haha. and i always thought i would be cheering for the vampire. i guess sometimes i surprise myself!
reading has let me enjoy a few more simple things in life and has taken my mind off of others. the other day i layed out in my front yard on a blanket and read a book all afternoon. it made me feel like a kid again. i suppose i can still pass for one by looks, but this took me back to a time when i didn't have to think about the world around me... i could enjoy the heat of the sun and the cool of the breeze and escape into a dream world. only this time it wasn't my own dream world. so often i like sleeping because of my dreams, but books give you that same thrill without having to be a sleep. i had forgotten that. i guess maybe because the books are read aren't usually for fun. they are more for learning. i am going to read more fiction!
as summer approaches, i really hope that i have more time to enjoy simple things like that. i am a nature kind of girl. i love being outside, but too often i let the indoors distract me. im going to try and not let that stop me this summer! :)
i'm itching to travel again. but i think really all i need is to take a trip to one of the great lakes and spend sometime on a "beach" i use the term lightly because our beaches in michigan are nothing like being on a real beach at the ocean. i miss that. i'm feeling reflective again. like i just need a weekend alone with me and my thoughts and of course whatever book i happen to be reading. i'm already a few chapters into Eclipse, work is making it a bit harder to read thru that one as fast. haha. but then there is only one left. i bet once i get all the way thru i will read them again.
and i'm thinking that i need to listen to debbie's advice more often when it comes to reading books! i suppose harry potter will be next. i love the movies and i suppose that once i give the books a read i will appreciate them more.
i suppose i've been keeping to myself lately. my aunt died last friday and her funeral was yesterday. this is the first of my dad's sisters/brothers to die. its hard when they start hitting so close to home. sometimes i wish the distance wasn't so great between me and that side of the family.
oh and just let me say that s. darko, the sequel to donnie darko, made me mad. i liked what they were trying to do with the visuals, but.... the story to me just seemed like whoever was writing it didn't understand the original movie or what "frank" truly represented. it was definitely lacking. and i suppose i knew that i would be disappointed with it, nothing can compare to donnie darko in my mind. it is one of my favorite movies of all time... but i do own the follow up to it now. i may never watch it again, but it will always be in my collection, just because.
its funny because my mind feels like its heading toward the fall, not spring... maybe its because i'm reading books about vampires and werewolfs! haha.
maybe im just missing my friends who are long distances from me... and maybe i'm just needing a new adventure, whatever that may be!
hmmm... i guess thats where i will end my thoughts for now. i have work to finish so i can get home, eat dinner and return to my book. :)
Thursday, May 14, 2009
the sun is shining again!
i always get in weird reflective moods when the weather is a bit dreary. the sun is back out and so it is in my life as well. i'm feeling refreshed, out of the funk that held me captive for about a week or so.
life, it is a gift we are given everyday, and we get to choose what to do with it. so why dwell on the darkness for too long. :)
i have no complaints for my life right now. i am happy and i choose to be. i choose to know that life has a purpose and a meaning greater than myself.
its a beautiful day!
life, it is a gift we are given everyday, and we get to choose what to do with it. so why dwell on the darkness for too long. :)
i have no complaints for my life right now. i am happy and i choose to be. i choose to know that life has a purpose and a meaning greater than myself.
its a beautiful day!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
"when life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it's not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end." - twilight.
my mind is in a weird place right now... caught somewhere between the dark and the light. but i suppose thats kinda of a struggle we all confront in our lives, on a daily basis.
i'm looking for new music. the changing of seasons always makes me look for new music to compliment my moods.
my mind is in a weird place right now... caught somewhere between the dark and the light. but i suppose thats kinda of a struggle we all confront in our lives, on a daily basis.
i'm looking for new music. the changing of seasons always makes me look for new music to compliment my moods.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
an update...
sometimes you just need a place to put your thoughts...
lately for some reason i just can't get enough of the song: Nebula - by the band Alevela.
i also started reading Twilight. now, i really didn't want to buy into the whole pop culture craziness that surrounds this book/movie. but after watching the movie, i knew i would not be satisfied to just leave it at that. and while the movie had many cheesy effects/parts, it was the deeper connection between edward and bella that made me love it. which is why i am reading the books and not just letting the movie depict that for me. it appeals to me on so many levels.
i also saw the new star trek. great movie. j.j.abrams is the man! :) my only negative thoughts were that they could have picked a better captain kirk. haha. and that there were way too many lense flairs! some of them were cool, but at times it got a little redundant.
the weekend with vanagon was great. always an adventure when you go on the road!
there is so much more in my head... but i don't have time to think it all thru right now.
lately for some reason i just can't get enough of the song: Nebula - by the band Alevela.
i also started reading Twilight. now, i really didn't want to buy into the whole pop culture craziness that surrounds this book/movie. but after watching the movie, i knew i would not be satisfied to just leave it at that. and while the movie had many cheesy effects/parts, it was the deeper connection between edward and bella that made me love it. which is why i am reading the books and not just letting the movie depict that for me. it appeals to me on so many levels.
i also saw the new star trek. great movie. j.j.abrams is the man! :) my only negative thoughts were that they could have picked a better captain kirk. haha. and that there were way too many lense flairs! some of them were cool, but at times it got a little redundant.
the weekend with vanagon was great. always an adventure when you go on the road!
there is so much more in my head... but i don't have time to think it all thru right now.
Friday, April 3, 2009
life...
is good. at least i'm happy, and me and God are getting along, and yeah, life seems good right now. i feel like i'm being released to live my dreams again. for the past two years i've been in MI, i pulled myself out of the music scene. mostly, because i didn't have people to go to shows with and was tired of going alone, so i just got lazy and stop going. then, a few months ago, thanks to the shore and a bunch of shows that the confidence was playing, i was able to hang out more with my cousin, which in turn has opened so many new doors for me to connect back into an area of my life that really does drive my passion: MUSIC.
so now I'm helping out the band VANAGON, i suppose i've become their booking girl and manager... haha. which is funny because these are things i suppose i've longed to get back to and now I've been given that chance. it will be an interesting road to follow, not only for me but for the band, and I'm so excited that God has given me this opportunity to help them out. :) i can't think of a greater bunch of guys to be working with... i just wish i could do more for my other cousin...
so now I'm helping out the band VANAGON, i suppose i've become their booking girl and manager... haha. which is funny because these are things i suppose i've longed to get back to and now I've been given that chance. it will be an interesting road to follow, not only for me but for the band, and I'm so excited that God has given me this opportunity to help them out. :) i can't think of a greater bunch of guys to be working with... i just wish i could do more for my other cousin...
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
ok...
i have not been to this blogger for a while, but felt like updating. mostly because i just added twitter to my blog and was here and thought, i might as well post something. haha
its almost overwhelming to think of writing an update, because so much has been happening in my life. all of it positive, but its thrown me out of my normal routine. actually, though, i had been praying for it, so i don't mind the adjustments. :)
and now due to my crazy schedule... i am unable to actually finish this post with a good entry. gotta finish lunch and then head to a staff meeting and then off to brown city for a camp promo... whew! and its only wednesday! haha.
more to come.
its almost overwhelming to think of writing an update, because so much has been happening in my life. all of it positive, but its thrown me out of my normal routine. actually, though, i had been praying for it, so i don't mind the adjustments. :)
and now due to my crazy schedule... i am unable to actually finish this post with a good entry. gotta finish lunch and then head to a staff meeting and then off to brown city for a camp promo... whew! and its only wednesday! haha.
more to come.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
ha - i did this for facebook, and decided not to waste it by just posting it there... so here are a few useless facts about me:
1. I am addicted to music, maybe a bit more than I should be - but i use it for good.
2. I have a dream of owning a venue/cafe again. Kinda goes along with #1, because I feel that part of the calling I have from God is to help out musicians.
3. I like tofu.
4. My moods change like the seasons...
5. Orange and Teal are my favorite colors.
6. I journal, a lot. Some day I would like to write a book.
7. The more frustrated something makes me the more I grow to love it in the end.
8. I am a night person who is forced into being a morning person because of my job.
9. My favorite movie is Donnie Darko.
10. I love playing in the rain. There is nothing better than getting soaked while jumping in puddles
11. I am a vegetarian. The longer I stay one the harder it is for me to look at raw meat because I'm always thinking about how it used to be a living being.
12. I love espresso coffee drinks.
13. Chicago is my favorite city.
14. I am a closet hippie.
15. I do not like shoes, but if i have to wear them, I actually prefer high heels! I know, it makes no sense. But I believe God meant for us to go barefoot. I'm convinced of this.
16. I still like 24. I think Jack Bauer is the Chuck Norris of a New Generation (even though I'm old enough to remember watching Walker, Texas Ranger)
17. I love to travel and i love the beach.
18. I love mixing sound for bands and it makes me sad that I don't get to do it as often as I would like. Sometimes its hard to go to shows because I'm very seldom happy with how the sound guy is mixing the bands.
19. I used to play the piano and clarinet, and yes, I was a total band geek in high school. (my life has always revolved around music)
20. I used to be a radio DJ and when I graduated from high school was planning to go to college for communications so I could do that for a career...
21. I don't cry (at least not that often)
22. I think its sad that itunes and digital music has caused a new generation to miss out on how cool it is/was to shop at indie record stores.
23. I view life as one big adventure and have a strange obsession with pirates.
24. I would much rather have someone call me and say hey meet me in a half hour (i say half hour because that's the average time it would take me to get somewhere from my house or work) than to have to make plans. being spontaneous is so much better.
25. I was Born on October 25 and the fall is by far my favorite time of year!
26. I used to be able to sleep around 25 people in my house without anyone being on the floor. The house was often known as the band hotel in Chicago and we very seldom went a full week without someone staying over.
27. I moved to florida by hitching a ride with some friends as they passed thru chicago on a tour.
28. I'm torn because I can't wait to have more permanent place to live and decorate and be all domestic, but I can't seem to bring myself to call any one place home.
29. I can be quite opinionated and passionate.
30. Movies: I hate chick flicks. i would much rather be entertained by any other form of movie; action, adventure, suspense, comedy (but not the romantic comedy cuz that would fall under chick flick) I am a big fan of Tim Burton and movies that tend to have a dark over tone.
1. I am addicted to music, maybe a bit more than I should be - but i use it for good.
2. I have a dream of owning a venue/cafe again. Kinda goes along with #1, because I feel that part of the calling I have from God is to help out musicians.
3. I like tofu.
4. My moods change like the seasons...
5. Orange and Teal are my favorite colors.
6. I journal, a lot. Some day I would like to write a book.
7. The more frustrated something makes me the more I grow to love it in the end.
8. I am a night person who is forced into being a morning person because of my job.
9. My favorite movie is Donnie Darko.
10. I love playing in the rain. There is nothing better than getting soaked while jumping in puddles
11. I am a vegetarian. The longer I stay one the harder it is for me to look at raw meat because I'm always thinking about how it used to be a living being.
12. I love espresso coffee drinks.
13. Chicago is my favorite city.
14. I am a closet hippie.
15. I do not like shoes, but if i have to wear them, I actually prefer high heels! I know, it makes no sense. But I believe God meant for us to go barefoot. I'm convinced of this.
16. I still like 24. I think Jack Bauer is the Chuck Norris of a New Generation (even though I'm old enough to remember watching Walker, Texas Ranger)
17. I love to travel and i love the beach.
18. I love mixing sound for bands and it makes me sad that I don't get to do it as often as I would like. Sometimes its hard to go to shows because I'm very seldom happy with how the sound guy is mixing the bands.
19. I used to play the piano and clarinet, and yes, I was a total band geek in high school. (my life has always revolved around music)
20. I used to be a radio DJ and when I graduated from high school was planning to go to college for communications so I could do that for a career...
21. I don't cry (at least not that often)
22. I think its sad that itunes and digital music has caused a new generation to miss out on how cool it is/was to shop at indie record stores.
23. I view life as one big adventure and have a strange obsession with pirates.
24. I would much rather have someone call me and say hey meet me in a half hour (i say half hour because that's the average time it would take me to get somewhere from my house or work) than to have to make plans. being spontaneous is so much better.
25. I was Born on October 25 and the fall is by far my favorite time of year!
26. I used to be able to sleep around 25 people in my house without anyone being on the floor. The house was often known as the band hotel in Chicago and we very seldom went a full week without someone staying over.
27. I moved to florida by hitching a ride with some friends as they passed thru chicago on a tour.
28. I'm torn because I can't wait to have more permanent place to live and decorate and be all domestic, but I can't seem to bring myself to call any one place home.
29. I can be quite opinionated and passionate.
30. Movies: I hate chick flicks. i would much rather be entertained by any other form of movie; action, adventure, suspense, comedy (but not the romantic comedy cuz that would fall under chick flick) I am a big fan of Tim Burton and movies that tend to have a dark over tone.
ha - i did this for facebook, and decided not to waste it by just posting it there... so here are a few useless facts about me:
1. I am addicted to music, maybe a bit more than I should be - but i use it for good.
2. I have a dream of owning a venue/cafe again. Kinda goes along with #1, because I feel that part of the calling I have from God is to help out musicians.
3. I like tofu.
4. My moods change like the seasons...
5. Orange and Teal are my favorite colors.
6. I journal, a lot. Some day I would like to write a book.
7. The more frustrated something makes me the more I grow to love it in the end.
8. I am a night person who is forced into being a morning person because of my job.
9. My favorite movie is Donnie Darko.
10. I love playing in the rain. There is nothing better than getting soaked while jumping in puddles
11. I am a vegetarian. The longer I stay one the harder it is for me to look at raw meat because I'm always thinking about how it used to be a living being.
12. I love espresso coffee drinks.
13. Chicago is my favorite city.
14. I am a closet hippie.
15. I do not like shoes, but if i have to wear them, I actually prefer high heels! I know, it makes no sense. But I believe God meant for us to go barefoot. I'm convinced of this.
16. I still like 24. I think Jack Bauer is the Chuck Norris of a New Generation (even though I'm old enough to remember watching Walker, Texas Ranger)
17. I love to travel and i love the beach.
18. I love mixing sound for bands and it makes me sad that I don't get to do it as often as I would like. Sometimes its hard to go to shows because I'm very seldom happy with how the sound guy is mixing the bands.
19. I used to play the piano and clarinet, and yes, I was a total band geek in high school. (my life has always revolved around music)
20. I used to be a radio DJ and when I graduated from high school was planning to go to college for communications so I could do that for a career...
21. I don't cry (at least not that often)
22. I think its sad that itunes and digital music has caused a new generation to miss out on how cool it is/was to shop at indie record stores.
23. I view life as one big adventure and have a strange obsession with pirates.
24. I would much rather have someone call me and say hey meet me in a half hour (i say half hour because that's the average time it would take me to get somewhere from my house or work) than to have to make plans. being spontaneous is so much better.
25. I was Born on October 25 and the fall is by far my favorite time of year!
26. I used to be able to sleep around 25 people in my house without anyone being on the floor. The house was often known as the band hotel in Chicago and we very seldom went a full week without someone staying over.
27. I moved to florida by hitching a ride with some friends as they passed thru chicago on a tour.
28. I'm torn because I can't wait to have more permanent place to live and decorate and be all domestic, but I can't seem to bring myself to call any one place home.
29. I can be quite opinionated and passionate.
30. Movies: I hate chick flicks. i would much rather be entertained by any other form of movie; action, adventure, suspense, comedy (but not the romantic comedy cuz that would fall under chick flick) I am a big fan of Tim Burton and movies that tend to have a dark over tone.
1. I am addicted to music, maybe a bit more than I should be - but i use it for good.
2. I have a dream of owning a venue/cafe again. Kinda goes along with #1, because I feel that part of the calling I have from God is to help out musicians.
3. I like tofu.
4. My moods change like the seasons...
5. Orange and Teal are my favorite colors.
6. I journal, a lot. Some day I would like to write a book.
7. The more frustrated something makes me the more I grow to love it in the end.
8. I am a night person who is forced into being a morning person because of my job.
9. My favorite movie is Donnie Darko.
10. I love playing in the rain. There is nothing better than getting soaked while jumping in puddles
11. I am a vegetarian. The longer I stay one the harder it is for me to look at raw meat because I'm always thinking about how it used to be a living being.
12. I love espresso coffee drinks.
13. Chicago is my favorite city.
14. I am a closet hippie.
15. I do not like shoes, but if i have to wear them, I actually prefer high heels! I know, it makes no sense. But I believe God meant for us to go barefoot. I'm convinced of this.
16. I still like 24. I think Jack Bauer is the Chuck Norris of a New Generation (even though I'm old enough to remember watching Walker, Texas Ranger)
17. I love to travel and i love the beach.
18. I love mixing sound for bands and it makes me sad that I don't get to do it as often as I would like. Sometimes its hard to go to shows because I'm very seldom happy with how the sound guy is mixing the bands.
19. I used to play the piano and clarinet, and yes, I was a total band geek in high school. (my life has always revolved around music)
20. I used to be a radio DJ and when I graduated from high school was planning to go to college for communications so I could do that for a career...
21. I don't cry (at least not that often)
22. I think its sad that itunes and digital music has caused a new generation to miss out on how cool it is/was to shop at indie record stores.
23. I view life as one big adventure and have a strange obsession with pirates.
24. I would much rather have someone call me and say hey meet me in a half hour (i say half hour because that's the average time it would take me to get somewhere from my house or work) than to have to make plans. being spontaneous is so much better.
25. I was Born on October 25 and the fall is by far my favorite time of year!
26. I used to be able to sleep around 25 people in my house without anyone being on the floor. The house was often known as the band hotel in Chicago and we very seldom went a full week without someone staying over.
27. I moved to florida by hitching a ride with some friends as they passed thru chicago on a tour.
28. I'm torn because I can't wait to have more permanent place to live and decorate and be all domestic, but I can't seem to bring myself to call any one place home.
29. I can be quite opinionated and passionate.
30. Movies: I hate chick flicks. i would much rather be entertained by any other form of movie; action, adventure, suspense, comedy (but not the romantic comedy cuz that would fall under chick flick) I am a big fan of Tim Burton and movies that tend to have a dark over tone.
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Need to Breathe
so this is the first time in two weeks that I've been able to really sit and have any time to myself. there have been so many deadlines coming at me all at once for work, but I think I've finally made it to a point of at least getting caught up. I've still got many deadlines looming over my head, but for right now, in this moment I can take a deep breath and breathe. its a nice feeling. I really do love what I'm doing right now. I enjoy making flyers and getting to put my creative abilities that the Lord has given me to work. I like putting things together to create a new picture. I know that with time and practice even creating will come a bit easier. this time around I was re-creating many of our brochures and flyers. for a while I was just relying on what was already there, but sometimes starting over with your own ideas is best.
this weekend I tried some vegan cookies. these are the first ones I've attempted, but the result was very good! so good, in fact, that I'm going to continue to try recipes for healthier desserts. I guess now I know what I can do with my free time on the weekends! haha.
I've been a vegetarian now for over 5 years and the more I stick with it, the more I realize that the desire to eat meat fades with each passing year. I like the challenge of thinking about my meals, and what I need to eat to make sure my body gets all it needs. I'm learning a lot about being a healthy vegetarian, because lets face it, we can all get into slumps and even though we are doing things to be healthier, realize that we are eating too much of the wrong foods.
I'm quite proud of my cookies though.
I'm very excited that 24 has a new season. I know, it can be predictable, but its still jack. i'll never forget the song that jonathan wrote about how jack bauer stole his friends. i can admitt to being a bit obsessed over tv shows now and then, but i guess i will always hold a special place in my heart for 24 because i first started watching it on tour. that was one of the best times of my life, so its natural for me to hold memories from those days in higher reguard.
they are finally ending prison break. i knew it was coming, or at least figured it should be. there was really no where else to take the story. they had fought the corrupt people only to be fooled by other corrupt people, so yeah, it had a great run, but its time to end the running.
ok, well these are my ramblings for now. i think my mind is going all over the place because it doesn't quite know where to focus now that its not being consumed by 5 different projects at once.
it is almost time to go home for the day. and tonight is family dinner night, and one of my new favorite shows, FRINGE. So it will be a good night. :)
this weekend I tried some vegan cookies. these are the first ones I've attempted, but the result was very good! so good, in fact, that I'm going to continue to try recipes for healthier desserts. I guess now I know what I can do with my free time on the weekends! haha.
I've been a vegetarian now for over 5 years and the more I stick with it, the more I realize that the desire to eat meat fades with each passing year. I like the challenge of thinking about my meals, and what I need to eat to make sure my body gets all it needs. I'm learning a lot about being a healthy vegetarian, because lets face it, we can all get into slumps and even though we are doing things to be healthier, realize that we are eating too much of the wrong foods.
I'm quite proud of my cookies though.
I'm very excited that 24 has a new season. I know, it can be predictable, but its still jack. i'll never forget the song that jonathan wrote about how jack bauer stole his friends. i can admitt to being a bit obsessed over tv shows now and then, but i guess i will always hold a special place in my heart for 24 because i first started watching it on tour. that was one of the best times of my life, so its natural for me to hold memories from those days in higher reguard.
they are finally ending prison break. i knew it was coming, or at least figured it should be. there was really no where else to take the story. they had fought the corrupt people only to be fooled by other corrupt people, so yeah, it had a great run, but its time to end the running.
ok, well these are my ramblings for now. i think my mind is going all over the place because it doesn't quite know where to focus now that its not being consumed by 5 different projects at once.
it is almost time to go home for the day. and tonight is family dinner night, and one of my new favorite shows, FRINGE. So it will be a good night. :)
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
History Has Been Made
We gathered around a computer today in the office here at camp to watch history being made. The overall mode is hopeful. I still have my concerns from the last post, but as you hear Obama's words to our country today, you realize that with God first, our Nation can still overcome its obstacles and unite together for the good of all humanity.
Let's be thankful today, that it appears we have a president who will do what he can to better our nation. Let us pray for him and his family's safety. Let us remember, our God, who is still in control and let us remember to serve God first.
Be happy and share in this time with all of our country and look in hope to God to lead our new President, Barak Obama.
Let's be thankful today, that it appears we have a president who will do what he can to better our nation. Let us pray for him and his family's safety. Let us remember, our God, who is still in control and let us remember to serve God first.
Be happy and share in this time with all of our country and look in hope to God to lead our new President, Barak Obama.
Barak Obama Day
I wrote this for the Bay Shore Camp Blog this morning, and thought I would post it here as well.
Well, that is what it seems like, and while I do share in the thought that it is a great day in our history to watch Obama get sworn in as the first African-American President, I do have a few thoughts.
I was reading some comments about a video that was posted by celebrities pledging their service to the new president and it got me thinking about how far this country is going to separate itself from God. Celebrities and those that follow everything that comes out of California are looking for a leader, someone to show them what their standards should be, only instead of looking to truth, they are looking to a man. And eventually this MAN is going to fall short of their expectations as a god figure. God, the only one we need to give us direction is the one that we seem to be forgetting in all of this.
If we are Americans, then we should stick together, under God, thru thick and thin. Isn't that what our pledge of allegiance says: "One Nation, Under God" Then why are we turning to what those with the most money have to say. Why are we letting the media influence us in a way that says Obama is the salvation our country needed and our Nation finally has hope because we were all smart enough to vote him into office. I have nothing against Obama and I know that God has placed him in office for this time in our lives, but that does not mean I have to start looking to him instead of God.
I hope that as we celebrate this day in America that we can remember where our HOPE comes from: Jesus, the one that came to this world to save us.
We don't need a president to tell us how to live our lives. What about those that have been trying to "Go Green" far before Obama was thought of as our next president. Why is it now that people are so willing to get involved and offer their support. Why not before? Why is it that people can't seem to stand together no matter who is in office? Why is it that we can only care about the environment if our president does? This election was won far before we ever voted. Why? because Celebrities and the media had picked their winner. They wanted someone who would represent them and their agendas.
I pray for Obama, not just because he is our next president, but because so many people have put him on such a high pedestal, because so many people are looking to him to "save" us in these times. I don't know about you, but as a people of God, I think its time that we start waking up to the reality that our country is wanting less and less of God and His Truth. We need to pray for our country and for Obama and for the Lord to continue to keep His Spirit here in America, a country that is becoming set against him.
Psalm 121
"I lift up my eyes to the hills - where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth."
Let us not be swayed by all that we hear and see on TV or from sources other that God's WORD. Let us look to HIM in this time, for He is our help. He is our Truth. He is our ultimate authority.
Beware of those so willing to give themselves to serving a MAN, and not GOD.
Obama is just a man, and like all men he cannot please everyone at all times. So yes, be hopeful that better times can come because Obama is now our leader, but stay grounded in the Word and Truth that God is still God, and we are not. And let us come together to support and pray for those in leadership and to not get caught up in the game of who's better. We have been given Obama as our president, so lets be like Jesus and continue to show love to all of those around us and believe that God can use Obama to help lead our country in these times. All of us can be used by God if we are willing to be His servants. Let us live and die for something Greater than ourselves.
Monday, January 12, 2009
COLD
we are bracing for the coldest week of winter so far. its nice waking up and seeing everything coated in white frost, but its not fun getting out in it to go to work. yesterday i tried going out to take pictures but only lasted about a minute before yielding to the cold.
i'm so excited that 24 is back on TV. last night was part 1 of the two day opener for the season. i can't believe that tony is a bad guy. at least this will add a little excitement back to my life on monday nights, especially now that prison break is done with its season.
one thing i am getting excited about is "the shore". Leann has put together an event for sr high youth and their leaders. its a great opportunity for youth groups to come out and make use of our facilities, make new friends, hang out with friends from camp, be blessed and meet with God. Jan 31 marks the first one, and we will be having "the shore" every last saturday of the month. its exciting to be able to get involved with an event that ministers to youth. please pray for God to move in and thru all of us on that night, that His purposes would succeed.
i'm so excited that 24 is back on TV. last night was part 1 of the two day opener for the season. i can't believe that tony is a bad guy. at least this will add a little excitement back to my life on monday nights, especially now that prison break is done with its season.
one thing i am getting excited about is "the shore". Leann has put together an event for sr high youth and their leaders. its a great opportunity for youth groups to come out and make use of our facilities, make new friends, hang out with friends from camp, be blessed and meet with God. Jan 31 marks the first one, and we will be having "the shore" every last saturday of the month. its exciting to be able to get involved with an event that ministers to youth. please pray for God to move in and thru all of us on that night, that His purposes would succeed.
Monday, January 5, 2009
2008 in review
ok, so i'm actually glad that 2008 is over. its been a good and busy year, but i'm ready for something new and i feel it coming, i'm just not sure what that is. it may very well be my attitude is changing my outlook for this year. i'm not one for making new years resolutions, but this year i have decided to be more positve. it used to come so naturally for me, but i have realized that i have slowly let that side of me die down, and i want it back. i want to enjoy each day for what it is and i want to begin a new adventure. now, not ever adventure means picking up and going somewhere, i believe a new adventure can also be a state of mind. i've always tried to live a life of no regrets, and so far so good. but as 30 years have come and gone, i want the next 30 years to have meaning beyond myself. i want to be able to look back and still have no regrets. so this year, i'm going to be happy again, and i'm going to be happy at work, and know that my job is truly a great one and that i am surrounded by great people. who knows what this new year will bring, but i feel that there is a change in the wind and with that is going to come a great new adventure!
some of my top fav's of 2008
music top 8:
8: We Shot the Moon - Fear & Love
7: The Wedding - The Sound the Steel -EP
6: Anberlin - New Surrender
5: Lovedrug - Sucker Punch Show
4: UnderOath - Lost In the Sound of Separation
3: Anathallo - Canopy Glow
2: Haste the Day - Dreamer
1: Oh, Sleeper - When I Am God
Movie top 5: (i don't get out to the movies like i used to, so instead of writing a list of ones i'd still like to see that would probably make this list, these are the ones i've seen and liked)
5: Bolt
4: Kung Fu Panda
3: Iron Man
2: Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian
1: The Dark Knight
TV top 5:
5: Amazing Race (i would love to be on this show one day)
4: Bones (is always great)
3: Prison Break (definitely redeemed itself this past year with a great season 4)
2: Lost (confusing as ever and great! this too had a great season 4)
1: Fringe (this is my new must see show, but i find it kinda creepy how the mysterious black man that comes to visit Hurley and send a team to the island in Lost is also the mysterious guy from Fringe that seems to know all the answers but doesn't tell them, yet...)
ok, i suppose that will have to do it for now.
some of my top fav's of 2008
music top 8:
8: We Shot the Moon - Fear & Love
7: The Wedding - The Sound the Steel -EP
6: Anberlin - New Surrender
5: Lovedrug - Sucker Punch Show
4: UnderOath - Lost In the Sound of Separation
3: Anathallo - Canopy Glow
2: Haste the Day - Dreamer
1: Oh, Sleeper - When I Am God
Movie top 5: (i don't get out to the movies like i used to, so instead of writing a list of ones i'd still like to see that would probably make this list, these are the ones i've seen and liked)
5: Bolt
4: Kung Fu Panda
3: Iron Man
2: Chronicles of Narnia - Prince Caspian
1: The Dark Knight
TV top 5:
5: Amazing Race (i would love to be on this show one day)
4: Bones (is always great)
3: Prison Break (definitely redeemed itself this past year with a great season 4)
2: Lost (confusing as ever and great! this too had a great season 4)
1: Fringe (this is my new must see show, but i find it kinda creepy how the mysterious black man that comes to visit Hurley and send a team to the island in Lost is also the mysterious guy from Fringe that seems to know all the answers but doesn't tell them, yet...)
ok, i suppose that will have to do it for now.
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