this morning i awoke from a dream only to wish that i was still dreaming it, and as i drove myself to work, listening to Thursday's newest album No Devolusion, and being surrounded by the stormy looking skies, it felt as though i was still dreaming - driving on a road that had no ending... only when my car reached the camp, reality sunk in and here i am wishing i could get back to that moment... that feeling of freedom.
i suppose maybe i hadn't dreamed i took a road trip to cali, then maybe i wouldn't be in this mood of escape to an unknown destination.
getting to work didn't make my day any less weird... i've been putting off dealing with something that i'm eventually going to have to face.
and i've been reminded of old friends and how much fun they had brought to my life at one time and hoping that things can change to make them more a part of my everyday life again. :)
i'm realizing that sometimes my lack of friends isn't because people don't want to be, but because i often push them away... or don't put the effort into keeping in touch. i admit, i've been pretty bad at this over the past few years, and i'm hoping to get better at it. its time to stop letting past hurts keep me from living the life that God has called me to live. its time to lay the past to rest and focus on the amazing life that i've truly been given. life is too short to let the past keep us from enjoying it. i think sometimes we live with the pain, because its something familiar, something we understand, even if we don't like it. we are afraid to venture into the future, because its an unknown world that may hurt us and break our hearts again... over the past month or so, i've learned to embrace the unknown. i think that's a part of what my dream and the feeling i had were about as i drove to work this morning. there is a longing in my heart for the unknown and i'm finally ready to follow that road and stop looking back. its such a freeing time in my life right now!
as i get ready to head into another summer, i hold no expectations, no pre-made thoughts of how it should be, so that i can enjoy each moment for what it is, rather than dwell on disappointment because its not what i had hoped for.
anyway, that is my rant for today... i'm still feeling very much in a dream like state... almost like my spirit is still following that road even though my body is sitting at my desk typing this. maybe when i dream tonight my spirit will tell me where its been. haha. (i'd like to think that God could take us on trips through the spirit realm while our bodies stay fixed in the world we see around us)
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