first day back to work after a wonderful 5 day weekend and quickly i'm reminded why i don't like to take time off. i just keep reminding myself to breathe. my music of choice has been blessthefall and underoath.
the day is starting to get better, however, mostly because i was catching myself up on twitter feeds and saw one that made my heart smile... it was like God knew i needed that tiny bit of cheering up, even if it didn't come the way i was expecting.
God has blessed me with a pretty amazing friend. :)
and its really hard to stay in a bad mood when i'm listening to underoath. they too make my heart smile :)
it seemed that i had so much more to say when i arrived at work this morning and now... my mind isn't processing those thoughts into a writable form, which is probably for the best. its going to be a very busy week.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
ghost by your side...
this morning i awoke from a dream only to wish that i was still dreaming it, and as i drove myself to work, listening to Thursday's newest album No Devolusion, and being surrounded by the stormy looking skies, it felt as though i was still dreaming - driving on a road that had no ending... only when my car reached the camp, reality sunk in and here i am wishing i could get back to that moment... that feeling of freedom.
i suppose maybe i hadn't dreamed i took a road trip to cali, then maybe i wouldn't be in this mood of escape to an unknown destination.
getting to work didn't make my day any less weird... i've been putting off dealing with something that i'm eventually going to have to face.
and i've been reminded of old friends and how much fun they had brought to my life at one time and hoping that things can change to make them more a part of my everyday life again. :)
i'm realizing that sometimes my lack of friends isn't because people don't want to be, but because i often push them away... or don't put the effort into keeping in touch. i admit, i've been pretty bad at this over the past few years, and i'm hoping to get better at it. its time to stop letting past hurts keep me from living the life that God has called me to live. its time to lay the past to rest and focus on the amazing life that i've truly been given. life is too short to let the past keep us from enjoying it. i think sometimes we live with the pain, because its something familiar, something we understand, even if we don't like it. we are afraid to venture into the future, because its an unknown world that may hurt us and break our hearts again... over the past month or so, i've learned to embrace the unknown. i think that's a part of what my dream and the feeling i had were about as i drove to work this morning. there is a longing in my heart for the unknown and i'm finally ready to follow that road and stop looking back. its such a freeing time in my life right now!
as i get ready to head into another summer, i hold no expectations, no pre-made thoughts of how it should be, so that i can enjoy each moment for what it is, rather than dwell on disappointment because its not what i had hoped for.
anyway, that is my rant for today... i'm still feeling very much in a dream like state... almost like my spirit is still following that road even though my body is sitting at my desk typing this. maybe when i dream tonight my spirit will tell me where its been. haha. (i'd like to think that God could take us on trips through the spirit realm while our bodies stay fixed in the world we see around us)
i suppose maybe i hadn't dreamed i took a road trip to cali, then maybe i wouldn't be in this mood of escape to an unknown destination.
getting to work didn't make my day any less weird... i've been putting off dealing with something that i'm eventually going to have to face.
and i've been reminded of old friends and how much fun they had brought to my life at one time and hoping that things can change to make them more a part of my everyday life again. :)
i'm realizing that sometimes my lack of friends isn't because people don't want to be, but because i often push them away... or don't put the effort into keeping in touch. i admit, i've been pretty bad at this over the past few years, and i'm hoping to get better at it. its time to stop letting past hurts keep me from living the life that God has called me to live. its time to lay the past to rest and focus on the amazing life that i've truly been given. life is too short to let the past keep us from enjoying it. i think sometimes we live with the pain, because its something familiar, something we understand, even if we don't like it. we are afraid to venture into the future, because its an unknown world that may hurt us and break our hearts again... over the past month or so, i've learned to embrace the unknown. i think that's a part of what my dream and the feeling i had were about as i drove to work this morning. there is a longing in my heart for the unknown and i'm finally ready to follow that road and stop looking back. its such a freeing time in my life right now!
as i get ready to head into another summer, i hold no expectations, no pre-made thoughts of how it should be, so that i can enjoy each moment for what it is, rather than dwell on disappointment because its not what i had hoped for.
anyway, that is my rant for today... i'm still feeling very much in a dream like state... almost like my spirit is still following that road even though my body is sitting at my desk typing this. maybe when i dream tonight my spirit will tell me where its been. haha. (i'd like to think that God could take us on trips through the spirit realm while our bodies stay fixed in the world we see around us)
Monday, May 9, 2011
in red
so this weekend i was planning to go and see a couple of movies, however my plans changed when i learned that i could wait and go see those movies with a friend. :)
so what did i do with my day instead? i went shopping and decided that i would make my mom some fat-free vegan brownies for mother's day.
i would say that over the past 5 or 6 years of being a vegetarian, i've started to learn how to really be more healthy in my eating habits. the one thing i never really liked about a lot of the vegan recipes i'd find is that they just replaced the butter with a vegan oil. this to me seemed to defeat the purpose and i saw no real added value in it, until recently that is. i stumbled onto a fat-free vegan blog and thought, this is what i've been looking for! these recipes don't just replace fat for fat, they eliminate most of it completely!
all this to say that as i find more ways to eat healthy as a vegan, i could try it again. i find that when it comes to food, i'm able to make changes and stick with them pretty easily. for instance, because of my little trip to the er this past december, i no longer drink caffeine. this was a huge step for me, as i loved coffee! but when being healthy can be a strong motivating factor.
about 2 weeks ago, i began to feel a change. i contribute this to God working at healing both mind and body, and that my body is finally adjusting to life without caffeine. i have more energy than i have in a long time and i'm feeling great!
anyway, the brownies. i've always wondered about using tofu in baking, and this recipe gave me the perfect time to try it. the brownies turned out very fudge like and moist. and for being a fat free brownie, i know that it would satisfy the craving. i mean there is still no substitute for the real thing, but i could be happy with this change. i attempted to use the leftover tofu to make a frosting to drizzle over the brownies, but it ended up more like pudding. so now i'm just eating that with a spoon.
one of the biggest changes to my diet lately is trying to cut out many of the processed food and sugars that we all seem to consume way too much of. and it helps because my sister is starting to think (and eat) more like me too, so we can share recipes and such.
with summer approaching, i'm excited to try an array of recipes that focus on veggies grown in our own garden. there is nothing like a fresh tomato, corn, peas or zucchini...
last summer i remember thinking i was going to try a raw vegan diet, but this summer i think i'm just going to try more of a fat-free vegan diet. this could get tricky at work, but i think it will be well worth the effort. and someday i hope that i can pass along these new found eating habits to a family of my own. it really does make me excited to cook for other people.
next on my list will be some banana cookies... and i think i will pull out that chocolate peanut butter pie for my dad on fathers day.
so what did i do with my day instead? i went shopping and decided that i would make my mom some fat-free vegan brownies for mother's day.
i would say that over the past 5 or 6 years of being a vegetarian, i've started to learn how to really be more healthy in my eating habits. the one thing i never really liked about a lot of the vegan recipes i'd find is that they just replaced the butter with a vegan oil. this to me seemed to defeat the purpose and i saw no real added value in it, until recently that is. i stumbled onto a fat-free vegan blog and thought, this is what i've been looking for! these recipes don't just replace fat for fat, they eliminate most of it completely!
all this to say that as i find more ways to eat healthy as a vegan, i could try it again. i find that when it comes to food, i'm able to make changes and stick with them pretty easily. for instance, because of my little trip to the er this past december, i no longer drink caffeine. this was a huge step for me, as i loved coffee! but when being healthy can be a strong motivating factor.
about 2 weeks ago, i began to feel a change. i contribute this to God working at healing both mind and body, and that my body is finally adjusting to life without caffeine. i have more energy than i have in a long time and i'm feeling great!
anyway, the brownies. i've always wondered about using tofu in baking, and this recipe gave me the perfect time to try it. the brownies turned out very fudge like and moist. and for being a fat free brownie, i know that it would satisfy the craving. i mean there is still no substitute for the real thing, but i could be happy with this change. i attempted to use the leftover tofu to make a frosting to drizzle over the brownies, but it ended up more like pudding. so now i'm just eating that with a spoon.
one of the biggest changes to my diet lately is trying to cut out many of the processed food and sugars that we all seem to consume way too much of. and it helps because my sister is starting to think (and eat) more like me too, so we can share recipes and such.
with summer approaching, i'm excited to try an array of recipes that focus on veggies grown in our own garden. there is nothing like a fresh tomato, corn, peas or zucchini...
last summer i remember thinking i was going to try a raw vegan diet, but this summer i think i'm just going to try more of a fat-free vegan diet. this could get tricky at work, but i think it will be well worth the effort. and someday i hope that i can pass along these new found eating habits to a family of my own. it really does make me excited to cook for other people.
next on my list will be some banana cookies... and i think i will pull out that chocolate peanut butter pie for my dad on fathers day.
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