it was a challenge to wake up this morning.... why? because i was having an amazing dream that i did not want to wake up from and face reality. maybe it was just a glimpse of a different kind of happiness... or maybe it was just a good way to end a pretty amazing weekend. life has taken very drastic turns in the past couple of months concerning my friends. those that i thought would always be there have moved on and others that i wasn't expecting have filled in the voids. but i'm happy with the way things are turning out. i'm learning what true friendship looks like and its a beautiful thing that i wouldn't trade for the world. its amazing how friendships i once thought meant so much have fizzled to nothing more than a memory, and interestingly enough, its at those times when you realize that even as deep as the friendship once went, it was still very surface level - someone more interesting comes along and you are left alone. i suppose that is what is so great about the people that are filling my life right now outside of my family. they are people who care.
that's what my dream reflected last night. it reflected that building of friendships with people who care to get to know you and be a part of your life. i'm tired of feeling used by people who are supposed to be your friend.
so its time to let go of some friendships and move on and be true to myself and the people that are important to me. which the older i get the smaller that number becomes, but thats ok too.
friends come and go. i used to be good at handling that wave as it came and out, and i'm learning to not be sad anymore when it leaves... rolling back out to sea to find a life away from mine. i still believe that all things have a purpose behind them, and i'm trying hard to take the pain with the joy and to push on to all that this life still holds in store for me. i'm excited about the future, and the adventures i am yet to have. maybe one day i'll look back on some of the pain and see how it actually helped to free me from my past.
just because people don't show emotion that often does not mean they can't break. thankfully i'm a lot stronger than i ever dreamed and have picked up pieces and glued myself back together. not sure that i'm going to be too quick to let friends/people break me again, so if you're in, thanks for being one of the people to show they care.
i'm still looking for my next adventure. you know how much a pirate needs a good adventure now and then! haha. i really want to go to nashville for a bit and to visit the world of harry potter at universal in florida. maybe its time i started planning a road trip adventure. i think i'm in desperate need of one. who knows maybe if i get to nashville i'll run into the one that inspired this post by being in my dream last night...
all this to say that life is about love. maybe we should stop being so selfish and learn to show a little more love to the people in the world around us.
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