learn to love the ways you are beautiful and broken heart...

so my other journal has been getting a lot of my thoughts lately because they are private thoughts for now...

i've been feeling quite sick for the past couple of days, but getting outside on this beautiful day has been a true blessing! i even have my window open just a crack so that i can get some of the fresh air into this awfully stuffy office building.

tonight i'm going to attempt to make vegan banana peanut butter bread with chocolate chips. i'm pretty excited about this recipe and i hope it turns out as amazing as it sounds.

i've also been looking for some good veggie irish recipes... my mind is already thinking ahead to st. patty's day and what i'm going to make for food when i hang out with mantel (and hopefully jrose)

its been a good day! oh and i found the coolest gloves for halloween!!! totally making them this year.

borrowed legs...

driving to work this morning i was greeted by the words "think spring" on a community bulletin board and it put a smile on my face. this, after being snowed in from work for yet another day this month. old man winter, your tactics are getting tiresome. i know you still have time left on the calendar, but could you please be nice and let spring come a little early this year??

you can talk to me....

just got the word that 30 seconds to mars is playing in detroit in april! (thank you dylan for the heads up) that news made my day! :) its funny too, because on saturday night chris was asking me when the last time was i went to a show that i actually paid money to see. (aka: a show other than ones my friends were playing) i told him, when i went to see lovedrug... and that show was amazing. i would even drive to nashville for their show on the 26th if i didn't have to be at work that day...

i am loving the sunshine and warm temps today. if only they would last and winter would give way to spring. but no, they will struggle now for the next month or so, going back and forth until finally at long last, spring wins out.

i find that ever since i put a lovedrug player on my blog, that i find more reasons to go to my blog each day... i hope others are doing the same.

i can't wait to be done with work for the day so that i can go home, eat dinner and enjoy another piece of my latest baking creation: chocolate (almost) vegan pie. it was so good my dad even mentioned that i should make one for our spaghetti supper at church or enter it in the auction pie contest... this means that he really liked it. i've made a note of it, so that i can pull it out for his birthday or father's day or something like that. :) it always makes me happy when my parents eat my vegan desserts and truly like them.

so my second favorite holiday is coming up soon: St. Patrick's Day and i've already begun buying fun items to wear for the day to spread a little green and irish love.

plans are in the works for a boondock saints movie day with mantel. that will be one amazing day! i'll have to think up a fun way to test out a new vegan dessert and make it green to add to our celebrations! haha.

today has been a good day. talking with dylan was great, and he's giving me some music choices to listen to :) perfect. i love getting options from people who share a similar taste in music, you know whatever they tell you will be good.

today i'm thankful for sunshine, warm temps, good friends and family, and good music ;)

is it gonna be an endless day? or just another one i'm wishing away....

this morning was the first morning since winter began that i awoke to the sun rising! this made me happy, because the days are getting longer and spring is coming, of course it will probably only last until we have to reset our clocks, but i'll take it! its so much easier to get up in the morning when the sun greets you with a beautiful shade of greys, purples and reds... i'm usually one for sunsets, but sunrises can be just as amazing.

last night i decided to try and make a vegan chocolate pie... it turned out amazing!! and the only part that wasn't quite vegan, was my chocolate chips... but i'm not going to get too picky over that. it will be dessert tonight! and be added to my list of successes in vegan baking/desserts. my list is getting pretty long. i like that. after all, there have been many failed attempts over the years as well.

when i lived in chicago, i always dreamed of having a coffee shop that sold vegan baked goods, and now living in michigan with only my family and friends to share my treats with, i'm learning the art of vegan baking. its a bit ironic, but maybe one day i will get to put these skills to use in a different way. that would be fun. for now i'll just continue my baking adventures.

must keep some dreams alive, even if they look impossible to come true. that's part of what makes me who i am. i've always been able to believe God for the impossible...

i'm in the mood to watch tim burton movies...

ghost by your side...

this is the first valentine's day in a long time that im actually am not sad about celebrating. probably because i got to make cookies for my friends and hang out and spend an amazing weekend with them... it was a perfect weekend in so many ways.

i suppose its because a part of me learned that life is too short to be so centered on myself and what i do or don't have. life is much more enjoyable when you are blessing others. and i think that is what's making the difference in me this year. i did things for other people. celebrating friends can be just as nice as celebrating a boyfriend/relationship.

tonight i'm going to make a chocolate pie for my family! it will be another one of my vegan experiments in cooking, but i'm excited to try it. the joy that is found in cooking is definitely when others get to enjoy your hard work!

my valentine's day song for the day is the title of this post by Lovedrug. and speaking of Lovedrug, like i do in so many of my posts, i just added their songs to my blog, so now everyone can enjoy listening to them!

its hard to believe that the snow is melting, makes me feel a touch of spring in the air! i'll take the rain any day over snow... but i have a feeling this year i just might have to invest in a pair of boots to save my shoes from the mud.

oh, and i just read about radiohead releasing a new cd on the 19th! best news of my day so far.

lets start again...

cookies turned out well... but I found that since I had been doing so much vegan baking that I was lacking a few things to make normal sugar cookies. thankfully my sis came to the rescue! its been a good night so far. plans have been made for tomorrow and I'm excited for all the days possibilities :-)

I still have lovedrug songs from their EP part III stuck in my head. I listen to it at least twice a day! my favorite song off of it so far is blow up a rainbow. it makes me long for a warm breeze on a summer day... and being able to dance barefoot on the soft green grass.

fringe, friends, music and thai food....

these are things i hope my weekend will consist of! I have been very blessed lately with some amazing friends... its so refreshing at times to be reminded of what that's like. and that's not to say that i don't have other amazing friends, just that right now life is centering around a few people. The funniest part about it too, is that they are not from michigan originally. we all have ties to chicago... I wonder if there is something to that?? anyway, i'm happy and life is good right now. its not anything like i imagined it would be this year, but, where i thought i would be disappointed about that, i'm actually genuinely happy. stepping back from situations always help you see them for what they really were and not what you had dreamed them up to be. reality hurts, but at times is necessary for balance in our lives.

tonight i am simply looking forward to some baking, a new episode of Fringe, and a good nights sleep. tomorrow i'm looking forward to hanging out with some amazing people and hearing some amazing music!! getting to take jrose and mantel with me to see underoath and meet chris makes me very happy! i love it when i can share those kinds of memories with friends. and who's excited to hear thursday play full collapse in its entirety live??? ME!! it will bring back old memories of chicago days, which makes me even more excited to share the experience with friends with chicago ties that go back to those days!

sunday i look forward to sleeping in and family time. i am a bit sad that there won't be any football to watch, but i suppose i can find something else to do instead....

today at work has even been good. i learned something new about the website, created some hot spots and am seeing that it might not be as scary as i thought. its still going to be a lot to learn, but i'm hopeful that i can do it.

now its time to head home and get this weekend started!
love to all!!

blow up a rainbow...

i love that the sun has been shining all week. its amazing that even though it is freezing outside the sun gives you that sense that it is still warm... at least until you walk out the door and have to wait for a freezing car to warm up, which thankfully happens pretty fast in my car!

i am definitely ready for spring! this white wonderland is nice, but i'm ready for warm breezes and green grass and being barefoot.

tear drops in the well....

i think its a rarity in life to find a group of musicians that write music in a way that moves you each time you hear it. this is how i look at the group Lovedrug and is probably the reason that above all other bands they have remained my favorite. I have listen to their music since they first started out, and with each new song/album i grow more in love with their music. i find such a deep and dark beauty in each song from the lyrics to the arrangements. and seeing them live has never been a disappointment. i shut my eyes and allow the music to drift me away into a different place in time. i only wish they lived closer so that i could hear them play live more often...

their music is timeless and its a shame that people may miss out on it. to know me and to be my friend is to know Lovedrug. and the best part? i haven't met anyone yet that hasn't liked them.

i was so happy to take part in their "I am Lovedrug" campaign. to know that i and so many others helped support them so that they could continue to write amazing music is the coolest ever!

there is a passion to their music that allows you to feel the emotion of it whether through the music itself or the lyrics being sung... there is a realness... nothing is sugar coated.... its bare, its raw, its people writing music for the love of music, for the purpose of moving people and inspiring people. when i found out why they named themselves Lovedrug, it made me appreciate them even more. and it keeps me going towards the passions that i hold true in my heart.

to see a band that has gone through so much and yet continues to write amazing music should inspire us all. i think that is why i relate to them... sometimes its ok to speak of the darkness in our souls because out of it can come something beautiful. there is always hope. there is always love. we just have to chose it.

sometimes i feel like if they stopped writing music a part of me would go missing too. hopefully one day they will know how much i love and appreciate their creativity and their music.

if i was stuck on a desert island with only one band that i could listen to for the rest of my days, it would be Lovedrug.

you're beautiful alone but with so much to give to the world... so why not let em in?

it was a challenge to wake up this morning.... why? because i was having an amazing dream that i did not want to wake up from and face reality. maybe it was just a glimpse of a different kind of happiness... or maybe it was just a good way to end a pretty amazing weekend. life has taken very drastic turns in the past couple of months concerning my friends. those that i thought would always be there have moved on and others that i wasn't expecting have filled in the voids. but i'm happy with the way things are turning out. i'm learning what true friendship looks like and its a beautiful thing that i wouldn't trade for the world. its amazing how friendships i once thought meant so much have fizzled to nothing more than a memory, and interestingly enough, its at those times when you realize that even as deep as the friendship once went, it was still very surface level - someone more interesting comes along and you are left alone. i suppose that is what is so great about the people that are filling my life right now outside of my family. they are people who care.

that's what my dream reflected last night. it reflected that building of friendships with people who care to get to know you and be a part of your life. i'm tired of feeling used by people who are supposed to be your friend.

so its time to let go of some friendships and move on and be true to myself and the people that are important to me. which the older i get the smaller that number becomes, but thats ok too.
friends come and go. i used to be good at handling that wave as it came and out, and i'm learning to not be sad anymore when it leaves... rolling back out to sea to find a life away from mine. i still believe that all things have a purpose behind them, and i'm trying hard to take the pain with the joy and to push on to all that this life still holds in store for me. i'm excited about the future, and the adventures i am yet to have. maybe one day i'll look back on some of the pain and see how it actually helped to free me from my past.

just because people don't show emotion that often does not mean they can't break. thankfully i'm a lot stronger than i ever dreamed and have picked up pieces and glued myself back together. not sure that i'm going to be too quick to let friends/people break me again, so if you're in, thanks for being one of the people to show they care.

i'm still looking for my next adventure. you know how much a pirate needs a good adventure now and then! haha. i really want to go to nashville for a bit and to visit the world of harry potter at universal in florida. maybe its time i started planning a road trip adventure. i think i'm in desperate need of one. who knows maybe if i get to nashville i'll run into the one that inspired this post by being in my dream last night...

all this to say that life is about love. maybe we should stop being so selfish and learn to show a little more love to the people in the world around us.