SNOW!

ok, so this year more than ever i want a white christmas. its probably due to the fact that we've been getting a lot of snow early this season. yesterday though when the ground was brown and muddy i was getting sad, but this morning i woke up to a nice blanket of white! that makes me very happy. and more snow is predicted so there is a good chance for a white christmas this year thats not just a dusting of white. there had to have been 4 inches at my house this morning and thankfully my dad cleaned my car off for me so that i could get to work on time. :) i have such a great dad! and actually today is his birthday! we celebrated last night though.

well, half way thru my last week of work before a christmas break. i'm getting very excited for christmas!! i can't explain what is different for me this year, but there is a definite joy in my heart this season. actually, ever since a conversation with an old friend i have seemed to have a bit more joy in my heart. i've been trying hard to appreciate every day and each moment in it, and to let God's joy be in my heart. i think thats part of this change in my spirit that i've been feeling. i don't know, but there's no better time than christmas to be joyful and to allow the beauty of the snow and this season to fill my heart.

there really is no place like home for the holidays and this year i am thankful again to be able to be with my family.

new post.

ok. i suppose its time for a new post of some kind. its friday afternoon and i have about a half hour left of work. i'm happy for the weekend.

this week at work i finalized the copy for our new summer camp brochure. its a bit different than what the camp is used to, but yet, not a total stray from last year. i can't wait to really get into creating different flyers and such for camp. with the help of Liz i was able to start finding some really cool stuff for photoshop that will be quite essential to these new designs.

only one week of work left before christmas break. that is exciting. i'm really looking forward to christmas this year. i'm sure all of the snow we have gotten is playing into that. i'm hoping it sticks around until christmas, so that this year it can look a bit more like i remeber.

this will be my third christmas at home. the time has gone very fast. and right now i'm happy to be home. i still feel the need for a new adventure, but that is being fed by short trips to chicago. i miss the beach, though. one day i will visit the ocean again! i suppose its in my blood now. haha.

today i've been listening to comp cd's that i made a few years back. its funny to hear what i put on some of them. they definitely follow my moods though. i wonder if i could learn anything about myself from looking at my favorite songs and comparing them to where i was in life at the time... that may be interesting to do someday, but not today. its almost time to leave for the weekend and i've got a scarf to knit!

24 and other thoughts....

I am so excited that 24 is coming back to television. Its like something was missing without it, and a good show has to replace the Prison Break slot because that show is wrapping up its season soon. And what a season it has been. I was starting to give up on the show, but this season has been worth watching, however, I'm starting to think that I'm not going to like how it ends. This sudden twist and the team getting screwed over, by the guy they thought was working on their side, I just don't see how this is going to end well. We shall see how the writers decide to end things, hopefully it won't anger their fans.

But the 2 hour intro for the new season of 24 was great! And their little twist to throw Tony back into the picture as a bad guy?! whoa! I did not see that coming. It makes me want to go back and rewatch the episodes where he was killed to see if I missed something. But yeah, it looks like this season will be a good one for Jack and company. And it was nice to see him fighting for something greater than himself. Redemption may be true in a few aspects for this show.

I also think that 24 is a bit prophetic in nature, because ever since David Palmer was president, I knew it was only a matter of time before that came true for us in a real world. The election proved that, when Obama was voted into office. We shall see if he is able to maintain the coolness that David Palmer had in times of crisis, but I find it interesting that media/television can seem to have an effect on us, because if you ever saw that season of 24, you would have this ideal in the back of your mind what a great president a man of color could make. So, as we begin to embark on season 7, who should be elected president on 24, a woman! So, if I'm right in my theories, it won't be long before we have a positive or negative outlook on a woman being president. It will hinge on the role 24 has given its new president. If it goes well for her, I wouldn't be surprised if the US will speed its way to being a bit more accepting of a woman in office. Just a theory, but it seems like a good one to me. :)

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..and now for something completely different...

Thanksgiving is just a couple of days away, and this year I'm really excited about it. Its one of the first times I'm not just wishing it away to get to Christmas. Maybe that is partly because I heard something on the news the other night, that made me stop and think. They were talking about Thanksgiving and why it is that it gets pushed further and further away from the spot light. Thanksgiving does not make the retailers much money. Sure there is money in Turkey/Food sales, but not not in gifts, which is why retailers are so quick to forget Thanksgiving and move on to Christmas. Its sad to me that Christmas has become such an obessive holiday for retailers. I for one, will spend the same amount on Christmas as I would if they waited until after Thanksgiving to focus in on their sales. I like to have my different holidays and to be unable to find what I want for Halloween because it has to share room with Christmas items that are beginning to push them out is just too much. I want to still be able to shop for Halloween on the 31 if I want with out having to sort thru Christmas items. How far are we going to go?? Just because Thanksgiving doesn't mean anything to retailers does not mean we should just overlook it all together. So this year, I'm giving Thanksgiving its due. And yes, I'm getting excited about Christmas and will put my tree up this weekend and do the traditional black friday shopping trip, but I will take time to be thankful. Thankful for my family, our health, our being together, my job and the people I work with, and that even in this crazy world, there is a peace that comes with the holidays and the magic of the season. What a great time to reflect and remember that even in the midst of uncertainty, there is still SO much to be thankful for.

friends...

so today i was surprised and blessed to have a conversation with an old friend. and whats better is that i may get to see them soon. that would be awesome! its great to know that you are still important to some people, even if time and distance try and get the better of your friendship. i am thankful for you still being a part of my life.


so second observation about Haste the Day: i have enough of their shirts to wear a new one each day for a week.


another observation about my life.... music and God's call on my life to be somehow involved. I need to pursue that avenue more. Michigan is an open door, especially the thumb area, if the kids will get involved in supporting a scene around here is another thing, but I hope and pray that they would.


Right now I'm listening to Demon Hunter. I never actually thought I would be blogging about that, but it does take me back to some interesting memories of Jimmy Ryan. See back in the day when he was still with HTD, I can remember him always wanting us to get matching Demon Hunter tattoos on our arms. Well the pictures below represent what might have ended up on my arm. This would have been my first tattoo, and I just could never bring myself to get it, even though he would have paid for it. When I didn't want the image, he tried to convince me to get the words, only he would tattoo demon on his wrist and i would tattoo hunter on mine so when you put them together you'd get Demon Hunter. I didn't really want to go for that either. And in a way I'm glad, because we never see each other anymore and it would be kind of weird to have hunter written across my wrist. Needless to say though it does bring back good memories of an old friend. Maybe someday I'll get the tattoo to remember the better days of our past... but it probably won't be on my arm.







ok, well i guess today has just been a weird blast from the past kind of day. its good though, one of the better days i've had in a while and a big part of that is contributed to the encouraging words of my friend.

snow

for the past two days it has looked like it should be snowing out... i suppose the fact that its not quite cold enough to turn the rain to snow is a good thing, but at this point i would rather just see the white stuff start falling. its going to soon enough anyway, why not pretty up the grey skies with white flakes of snow?!

i was noticing an observation today, in the more recent press pictures of haste the day, stephen is always wearing a shirt of color. i like it. partly because now that i'm older and go to shows, i'm often the one sticking out in a crowd because i wear color. i used to dress in jeans and a black t-shirt or hoodie, but now, i like color. :) sometimes i even wear heels to shows too. haha. actually though, i would still prefer to be barefoot, i suppose i miss that freedom that came with running my own venue and making my own rules. it only backfired once when i sliced my heel open on some glass, but i survived and it still hasn't stopped me from going around barefoot as much as possible. wow, that's quite a deviation from talking about stephen's colorful shirts!

anyway, thanksgiving is coming up and i'm starting to get excited about the holidays. my sister and i always make our plans for black friday. its the one day that i dont mind facing crowds of people and that extra bit of a bargain may be worth it this year. either way it is a day of fun times spent with my sister (and parents, usually).

still listening to HASTE THE DAY - DREAMER on a daily basis. its becoming a daily ritual of sorts... i hope for a chance to really let the boys know how proud i am of them!

november 6th and 70 degrees?!

That seems to be much of the case for the past week. Its technically November, but it does not feel like it. I've been able to have my window open at my desk all week! I love this bit of a warm spell. I know it won't last too much longer so I will enjoy it as much as I can.

Its great to have hoodie weather though. Especially since I've got a new one to sport! :)

I am so ready for the weekend. This is the first full week I've worked in almost a month. My, where has the time gone.

I'm excited about some of the projects that I get to work on... Next week will be a busy one of putting finishing touches on our new camper brochures! The calendar cards are done! They aren't really anything new, but I am still happy with how they turned out. Next year, maybe I can work on putting together a more edgy design. We are going to be getting new software, which will be awesome for doing things like that!

dark side of you...

so many would say that i have a dark/mysterious side to me that is most evident through the music that I listen to. right now, that would make sense because the CD I can't stop listening to is HASTE THE DAY - DREAMER. I was reading today how Michael said it was their darkest CD to date, and how it just carries this mood throughout the whole CD. This is probably why I'm liking this one the best. The longer I know these boys the more I grow to love them and their music. The addition of Stephen, has only helped bring this band into the maturity and depth that has led them to a more reflective cd. I couldn't be more proud of these boys! God has blessed me with a friendship with them since pretty much the beginning and its great to see how far God has brought them! One part of the past 10 years that I would love to get back is our house in Chicago, and the many great memories that were shared between friends. someday, I pray that God would open up a new home so more people may be blessed.

right now i'm stuck on the song: Haunting

"we are but captives. we are diseased. we know that one day, we will be free."

its funny too, because this fall I got hooked on the show FRINGE. And now everytime I listen to Mad Man, it is that show that I think of. I think that it could have been a great song for the series! I suppose my mind is drawn to the unexplainable, not necessarily to make it fall into reason, but just to remind myself that God is so huge and complex that we will never be able to fully figure Him out, and when things are presented that we cannot explain, He can, but I suppose I like to try and figure them out at times too. I like it when things aren't just handed to me, I like to grapple with truth.

today, i'm challenged to pray for the leaders of this country and those to soon take over. We need to pray for God to not turn His face from this country, we are still in desparate need of Him!

halloween, haste the day and hauntings....

so halloween was great. there was no trick or treating this year, but i got to have debbie come for the weekend instead. i realized that when you are inviting a friend from a big city/suburb to come and visit on halloween you should make sure they have good directions, for there was a new moon out on halloween and that meant a very dark night driving in the middle of cornfields to get to my house. thankfully she didn't get too lost! but i'm sure it made for one spooky drive! haha. perfect for halloween hauntings.

the next night we drove to pontiac to see our boys in haste the day! it was great, except they opted not to play american love. i suppose the crowd really didn't know their stuff so they cut things short, but for us we were sad that they did not play it. after all, american love is my song... well, ok was when jimmy was the singer. i guess i just don't know stephen well enough to tell him he should pick up and continue to sing it to me! haha. its really been fun going to shows again. it makes me really miss the venue/cafe in chicago. i wish at times there was an opportunity for that kind of thing here in this small town that i've found myself in. i have the perfect location for shows, i just don't know if we could pull in enough kids.... that would really be the main issue. maybe its something i should pray about.

i also watched the movie sunshine over the weekend. it was really quite good. i would recommend it.

oh, and i got myself a new hoodie! finally. i was hoping to get a new HTD one, but they only had smalls and it was an old one, so i opted to support a new band named: O, Sleeper. good stuff and a really nice hoodie. i did however get my white and gold HTD shirt! ha! its great. i don't think i've loved one of their shirts so much since their orange one with the cowboy on it that very few people actually own. i always did love that one! hehe.

ok. i'm loving the fact that its almost 70 today and its november! but i think after this week i will be ready for the snow to start, because my mind will begin to fix itself on the holiday season that is fast approaching. i can't wait. for as much as i love halloween, there is just something about being home for the holidays and i have some extra time off this year which will make it even better. :)

well, i can't stop listening to the new haste the day or the new lovedrug. both are great albums!

party!

so last night my sister's family threw me a birthday/halloween party! it was awesome. after supper we started to carve pumpkins. tonight we will be finishing our carving and making halloween cut-out cookies! more great halloween fun!

tomorrow is not only when debbie gets here, but trick or treating! and then Haste the Day on Saturday! it looks like its going to be another great weekend.

chicago, birthdays, and friends and phantoms!

so, i was so blessed to be able to get away for my birthday weekend! chicago is definitely home to me, just as much as michigan. so i couldn't think of a better place to make some birthday traditions. this year debbie and i started a new one. this is the second year in a row that i have gone to chicago for my birthday, but the first year we decided to start a tradition. that tradition will include a seadog boat cruise up the river, with hopefully our very awesome tour guide/phantom! and after that going to see a movie on IMAX. next year however, we will dress a little bit warmer for the boat ride. neither of us realized that it was also going to be a speed boat ride up the shoreline! our first boat tour was a "haunted" architectural tour up the chicago river. it was a very entertaining trip thanks to our tour guide, who was masked during most of the trip. he did however, reveal himself at the end, right before the speed boat part. and he was just as attractive as i had thought he'd be!


during the speed boat part of the tour, i got soaked! and it was a bit cold, but it was still such a great trip that i did not mind. i really wanted to give our guide a tip, but had no cash, so after getting warm inside navy pier, i got some cash and went back to see him. they let me on, and i gave him his tip and he asked if i was going on the fireworks cruise. i told him i didn't have money to buy a ticket, so he let debbie and i on the cruise for free. this time around we knew where to sit to stay dry. my only regret from that whole night was not talking to our phantom more or getting a picture of his face. he seemed very awesome, and thoughtful by giving us a second ride for my birthday. and the views were breath-taking! the fireworks felt like they were right over top of us and were set to the music of LOVEDRUG. well, at least to me they were cuz that's what i had playing on my itunes. all in all it was one of my best birthdays to date.

the other part that made it great was being with friends. i'm so thankful for their friendship, and have noticed that everytime i go and visit it gets harder and harder to leave. its just such a great city and i miss living there so bad. but i am content to wait for God to open a door if He wants me to go back, but sometimes its hard to be away from those you care about.

harvest moon

so i can officially say its fall because there was a HUGE orange harvest moon in the night sky yesterday! all i could do was stare at it and be happy. that same moon would shine into my room and make it hard to sleep later on, but man, did it bring a moment of peace to a very chaotic life.

i'm used to being busy, and i'm used to not having much time to my self, that is not necessarily where the chaos is coming from. the chaos is something i'm feeling all around; in my daily life, my spiritual life and that which surrounds me that i can not control, such as the economy and the up-coming election... all of these areas are playing into my sense of chaos...

my daily life is in chaos because of updates being made to my house (new carpet, bathroom remodel, etc.) my spiritual life is in chaos because of things going on at my church and the on-going stuggle to follow my calling, and i suppose because of the state our country is in, i'm just feeling that all over...

life is going good though, its just i can't shake these feelings of chaos. so i'm going to keep praying, and i'm going to be glad its fall and enjoy my favoite season because there is so much to look forward to, and when the house is done its gonna be awesome and feel like a fresh start, so in the midst of this chaos, are good things to come, i just wish i could skip to the end! :)

thank goodness for constants like family and friends, those are the kinds of things that dont change when everything else seems to. i'm very thankful for those people in my life. with all the moving around i do people come and go, and i suppose that just makes the friends that are still around that much more special, even if they are spread all over the world.

so i'm thankful for a weekend, even though i'll probably be painting and helping to put the finishing touches on our bathroom... but at least my mind can rest... cuz come monday its all about the auction.

overwhelmed.

its good to know that the times we feel overwhelmed with the tasks that lay before us, that we are not alone. i have been put in charge of an auction to which i have very little knowledge about, and a committee, that i don't really know. i have so much to learn, and very little time to do it all. am i going to have to rely on the knowledge of the committee members and God to get me thru this next month, keeping my sanity and having fun at it. i love doing events. they are my thing. but i suppose concerts are my specialty. i miss that people in chicago at least realize that, and for the most part have appreciated it. around here, no one seems to think that i could do something like that. i guess they never heard of j-kid fest or heart and soul cafe. seeing haste the day, really made me miss being a part of shows. it was my life for so long... i guess i don't miss all the stress of the shows, but i miss the bands and the kids and the family of people that grew up around them. i miss waking up in the morning to numerous guys walking around our house and the smell of pancakes cooking in the kitchen. i miss having a house were anyone and everyone was welcome and family. its hard to believe that so many years have passed since meeting so many of the bands... but i am very thankful to have the memories that i do. not many people can say that. i'm also very thankful for the friendships that have remained thru time. i am so proud of my friends/family that continue to press on in the music scene and can only pray that one day maybe i will get to work with you again in a show.

so back to events. i hope that someday people around here will see that this was my life and that i have some skills at it, and give me a chance to use some of my old strengths to benefit a new place.

i pray that i am able to help make our auction a success. and that i can do the jobs laid out before me to the best of my ability... Lord, i need you to make it thru another year. i look forward to so much, and in the midst of that still feel very blessed.

wow. i can't believe my franny is in hungary. i miss her.

new music!

ok, so one great thing about the fall is new cd's and shows! i'm so excited for new recordings from friends: UNDEROATH and HASTE THE DAY! and i'm excited about new music from Lovedrug. i'm sure there is more to come, but these are the ones i'm really waiting for!

and along with new cds comes tours to promote them, which means i'll be getting to head out to a few shows this fall as well! whoo hoo! and you throw in that fall is my favorite time of year and that halloween is fast approaching, as well as football season and the changing colors of the leaves... and the crisp/cool nights that are perfect for star gazing! wow! just way too many things to be excited about, and this little blog of mine doesn't even begin to cover them all!

why is it that sometimes i feel like my phone is disconnected from the real world?? hmmm... maybe it is.



all is lost for us if heaven fails...

fall is approaching!

i don't know what it is about summer ending and fall beginning that makes me feel like writing, but here goes. this summer has really been great. i can't even believe all the people God has put in my path. They are all truly amazing and i feel so blessed to call them friends. Also, it seems that God is opening a door to reconnect with old friends. the only down side is that it really makes me miss doing shows. I mean, the days of heart and soul were the best of times, really. the venue had some great shows as well, but the family that was birthed at heart and soul shows will always remain in my heart. maybe someday i will get back there for a reunion of sorts. they are however doing shows again...

i'm ready for the summer to be over because fall is shaping up to hold some great times ahead... more shows, birthdays, football games and the most amazing weather ever!!

tonight i'm chosing to look ahead towards an amazing future, one that i may not even be able to comprehend, but i know its gonna be good. the reason, because i'm choosing to follow the path that God has for me once again. I'm choosing to let go of all that has hindered my relationship with Him and i'm striving towards His heart again.

fall is an amazing time of reflection for me, and this one will be no different. God i ask you to make it amazing.

texas.

as i pack for vacation, i'm finding that the one album i have to take with me, above all else, is 30 seconds to mars. "a beautiful lie" came out well over 3 years ago, but it is still one of my most listened to cds. there is almost something spellbinding about it. the more you listen, the harder it is to let it go. i guess its just layered enough that it never gets boring. plus its fronted by the beautiful jared leto. i added this picture as the background on my computer today, and its been quite hard to leave my desk! haha. i must say its one of his finer moments. :)

but yeah, i'm ready for a road trip and taking some time to regroup my thoughts and get focused, so that i can come back to camp and give it my all. we have a great group of staff here this year, and i don't want to let the summer come and go without getting to know them.

so, today is my last day at work for 2 weeks. crazy to think about how much will change while i am away, but at the same time, its good to have this time with my family. i'm really glad to be able to take this trip with them. i was born to travel, and its not something i get to do all that frequently anymore. i definitely view this trip as a major blessing from God.

life is walking a steady pace for me right now, even in the midst of many things being on my mind. i'm trying to learn from past mistakes and to do really listen to God's voice over my own, and sometimes its hard to drown out myself, cuz my voice likes to be the louder of the two. but having the past to look back on and learn from is good, and i pray that as new doors open that i can look at them thru God's eyes and not my own. hmmm...

i'm reading a new book on prayer. its good and really challenging me. i like that. anything that challenges my walk with the Lord and my prayer life is a great thing.

blessings.

moon

last night there was one of the most amazing moons i have seen in a long time. i just wanted to lay outside in the front yard and watch it move across the sky.

the moon made me think of a harvest moon in the fall and that lead me to want to listen to LOVEDRUG, which i am doing right now. :)

when i was in the 3 grade my life dream was to be an astronomer. i think that even to this day, i still hold a deep love for the night sky. maybe someday i'll pursue an avenue of studying the world above us, but for now i'll stick to my job at a camp. :)

new place to write

i'm done with most things concerning the internet. all that once was, just seems so meaningless compared to real life relationships.

so for the time being i'll use this blog as a way to post thoughts, until i get bored with this too.

life takes you down strange roads. but at the end, i want to be able to look back and have no regrets.

family is so important. i feel very blessed to have been born into mine.

the most important thing in life: LOVE. because GOD is LOVE.